William S. Burroughs: A Man Within Page #6

that that love was false,

but I definitely

had the sense...

that it was all

kind of flowing in this

fairly narrow channel...

that would probably

have been too hard for him,

in this lifetime,

to show for other people.

And I hope in whatever his

next lifetime is nowadays...

that it's easier for him,

and it's not so threatening.

All right.

All right, you two.

I'll get you some food.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Meows ]

[ Dennis Dailey ]

On one side, he's

this kind of...

loosey-goosey liberal

of his time,

where sexuality is free-spirited

and all that sort of thing.

I don't think he engaged

in that all that comfortably.

I think he had conflict around

his sexual orientation.

I don't think that

was always clear to him.

I think he struggled

with homophobia, like

lots of people his age.

There are areas of his life that

he himself never understood.

Quite clearly a number

of things happened to him

when he was very little.

He was possibly abused

by his nanny's boyfriend,

and things like this.

And he spent a lot of time

in psychoanalysis trying to

find out about these things.

But, um...

And he has talked about it,

but it's just too deeply buried.

He was never really able

to find out.

[ P-Orridge ]

We first met him

in the '70s.

He was living in London,

and it was an Irish hustler

called John...

who was sharing

the apartment with him,

who used to hang out

in Piccadilly, you know, um,

doing something or other

sexually to get money.

And William always

seemed to prefer...

young hustlers,

because there was no need

for an emotional attachment.

There was no danger

of being embroiled...

beyond a controllable point.

So I think that was one of

the reasons that he began to,

almost exclusively,

look for sexual pleasure

amongst professional,

young hustlers.

There was too much

fear of pain...

to go into a relationship

form of love.

[ Woman ]

William had a very uneasy

relationship with women...

in the sense that there

weren't too many women around.

But I felt that I had a very

nice relationship with him,

and maybe it was because

we really weren't

gender identified...

when we were together.

Uh, we traded recipes.

But I would say that

in that world,

particularly if you're,

you know, at the Bunker...

and you're going

into the bathroom...

and you're looking at

Keith Haring's drawing

of the penis...

It's not the world

that you would expect.

I had the biggest crush

on William.

Really a big one.

And I used to even daydream

about, you know,

he would fall in love with me

and we would get married.

I mean, I had a huge crush

on William, so...

And he knew it too,

and it didn't bother him at all.

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