Wild Oats Page #3

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It's a simple question.

- Um...

- It was challah French toast, yes?

Am I pronouncing that correctly?

I mean, just give me an answer because

my husband just left me for someone

who could be your twin.

Oh, my God.

Are you Maddie Reynolds?

Yeah.

My friend Clarissa just moved in

with your ex-husband.

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God.

- We should have a Spanish omelet now.

It's really awkward. I am really sorry.

She is such a b*tch.

I thought you said she was your friend.

Well, yeah...

What does she see in him?

H-He kind of looks like Patrick Stewart?

What?

No.

I mean, it takes him an hour in the bathroom,

no matter why he has to go.

He's got a gut.

He has no muscle tone left.

He's losing all his hair.

He uses Viagra.

Now, none of this is his fault, but...

why isn't your friend Chad moving in with me?

We need to just take a minute.

I don't have any friends named Chad.

And second of all, I mean,

I think old faces are beautiful.

I don't know why you're

so uptight about your age.

We'd like to have the two

breakfast specials, please.

Thank you very much, and then you can go.

I am so sick of taking the blame

for Clarissa's bullshit.

Thank you so much, and you please go away.

Now, why... isn't my hot young secretary

moving in with me when I've got

one foot in the grave, huh?

What does that mean?

It's nothing, it's nothing.

You're my best friend

for 40 years and I love you,

and I need to know what it is

that's going on.

Do you remember, uh, when I went

to Myrtle Beach in South Carolina?

Yes.

Well, I didn't really go there.

Where'd you go?

Johns Hopkins Hospital in Maryland.

What about all those...

sights from the Civil War?

The... you sounded so knowledgeable.

Wikipedia.

I'm okay. It's all fine.

Is it, really?

Yes, and six months from now,

it may still be fine.

Six months?

There's even a 20% chance...

that it'll be great.

20 percent?

And until then, they have done

everything that they can possibly do,

and I never want to talk about this again.

I'm glad you told me.

I told you nothing.

All right, dear.

Here comes Greg Pinkerton.

Big Laurie's father?

He's coming over here.

Well, just say hi.

I mean, legs aren't everything.

Eva Fenton?

Oh, yes, hello.

I'm Greg Pinkerton.

I hear you got a little crush on me.

No.

So, Mom, Luke and I brought you a present.

Oh, thank you. This is quite beautiful.

What is this?

Well, we were watching this infomercial...

Oh.

...and we said to ourselves,

"That is something she should really have."

You wear it around your neck.

See, if anything happens,

you press the button and it connects you

directly to the paramedics.

Ah.

So, what's wrong with the telephone?

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