Wiener-Dog

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Remi!

Remi, look!

I got you a surprise.

Wiener-Dog!

Now who's gonna walk it?

I'll walk it.

And Remi will pitch in, too.

You don't have to

if you don't want to.

Damn right I don't have to.

But tell me

who's going to clean up

after it shits all over

the living room floor.

Remi understands.

He's not a little kid.

He's a f*cking survivor!

His hair is all grown back.

The doctor said

it would be fine

as long as he keeps up

with the blood work.

And now he's got all summer

to learn how to housebreak it.

It's gonna be good for him.

F*cking asshole.

Shh.

It's okay.

It's okay, Wiener-Dog.

I'm here.

Shh.

Heel!

Heel!

Heel! Goddamn it!

Heel!

Motherf*cker! Heel.

Heel, motherf*cker.

Heel, motherf*cker.

Hey, Dad,

when do you think

we can let Wiener-Dog

out of her cage?

When she's housebroken.

Why do people

say "housebroken"?

Because...

Remi, you have to break a dog,

break their will,

so that they'll submit

to your will.

It's a kind of civilizing.

So they act like humans.

You mean so they go

to the bathroom outside

instead of inside?

Exactly.

But when you break a will,

well...

What is a will exactly, anyway?

It's character.

Force of character.

It's the thing

that makes you you.

Hey, Remi, it's time!

We have to go the vet!

- Mom?

- Yes, honey?

What's "spaying" mean?

It just means, this way,

we don't have to worry

about the dog getting pregnant.

What do they do to her?

Really, it's nothing.

She won't know any different.

Does it hurt?

No, really, it happens so fast,

she won't even

know what happened.

But what do they do to her?

You know, honey,

I'm really not sure.

I mean, all dogs get this done.

Really, it's like going

to the dentist

and having your teeth cleaned.

No big deal.

But what if Wiener-Dog

wants to have puppies.

She won't.

Believe me, that's a total myth.

But what

if Wiener-Dog's different?

Honey, she's not.

She's not like you and me.

She doesn't think this way.

She doesn't think.

I mean, she's just a dog.

But she has feelings.

Oh, sweetheart, I know,

and you're right.

But with a dog,

things are different.

A dog is not human.

It's an animal.

They look to us for guidance.

Without us,

they wouldn't even be here.

What do you mean?

Nature doesn't care about them.

It's sad but true.

We're dog's only friend.

Can I watch?

No, definitely not.

The doctor has to be able

to concentrate.

I won't say anything.

I'm sorry, Remi,

but it's just not allowed.

But Wiener-Dog will be scared.

I know she'll want

to hold my hand.

Wiener-Dog will be fine.

Really.

But if you're there with her,

you'll bring in germs with you.

It would be just like

when during intensification,

remember, all the nausea

and then all sorts

of complications

could start up...

Serious complications.

Like what?

She could die.

All right, then.

Run!

Run, Wiener-Dog, run!

Run, run!

Oh!

Remi!

Oh!

Well, I don't think

there'll be any barking tonight.

Way to go.

Hi, honey.

Honey.

Hi.

You know, when I was

a little girl in France,

we had a little dog also...

A poodle.

My mother

found her at the animal shelter,

and she decided to take her in

because she was so cute

and cuddly and sweet and funny.

We named her Croissant

because she loved croissants

so much.

But then, a few months

after she moved in,

she suddenly started getting

a little tired,

like she was depressed.

All her happy spirit

seemed to have vanished.

And that's when we found

out she was pregnant.

Who was the father?

Well, turns out...

she was raped.

What do you mean?

Well, it was a stray dog

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