Whoops Apocalypse Page #6

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for an undisclosed sum.

And as the British task force

steams south for the Caribbean,

hopes are fading for a peaceful end

to the Santa Maya crisis. Details shortly.

Madam President.

What is it, Marv?

Priority Alpha, from the Pentagon.

Let me have it.

Santa Maya, madam.

British fleet just got in,

50 miles off the coast,

and was fired on by a Maguadoran destroyer.

I mean, all hell's gonna break loose

down there any minute.

Patch me through

to London and Maguador City.

Right, ma'am. If anybody can stop them going

to war, it's the President of the United States.

Land Of Hope And Glory

Thank you very much.

How are you?

I recognise you.

MAN Well done!

From what I gather,

President Adams was not a little miffed.

Apparently, the White House

wanted us all to go on talking.

Huh! Talk about giving a man

on the guillotine an aspirin!

Until Maguadora

recognises Britain's right to sovereignty,

there can be no question

of pulling out our troops.

- Absolutely.

- It would be madness.

And now to another...

equally serious problem.

The record level of unemployment.

Now, some people argue

that this crisis is the result

of government mismanagement

and underspending.

They could not be more wrong.

Hear! Hear!

Because we all know what really causes

unemployment in this country, don't we?

Unemployment in this country

is caused by pixies.

I don't mean the nice, ordinary ones,

who sit on toadstools,

playing a whistle.

I'm talking

about the nasty, evil, malevolent pixies,

the tiny green ones

with the black, pointy beards,

who go around our factories -

and we've all seen them -

who go around our factories,

casting their wicked spells,

and bringing about mass redundancies

on a scale not witnessed

since the Great Depression.

Erm...

When did you actually form this theory,

Prime Minister?

Well, to be perfectly honest, Nigel,

the pieces only really sort of jelled in my mind,

so to speak, last weekend.

I was visiting a factory in Stockport.

Hundreds had lost their jobs, and small wonder.

The place was crawling with them.

With erm... pixies?

Yeah, pixies, sprites, elfin folk.

All manner of goblinry.

Certainly opened my eyes, I can tell you.

That's why I've launched this new campaign.

I see.

What campaign?

The Stamp Out Evil Pixies campaign.

The public have got to be educated

on this one, Nigel.

Mostly, they're about seven inches tall,

and they get in through the air vents.

Now, the worst type of all...

are the invisible ones.

Our support for Sir Mortimer Chris

remains unequivocal.

When the Prime Minister talks of er...

pixies... he is clearly using the term

in a metaphorical sense,

to er... denote disruptive elements

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