Wet Hot American Summer Page #9

We had a kooky training period

where it seemed like...

it seemed like nothing was

gonna go right. But, guys,

somehow we made it

to the finals.

So I say, when those anonymously

evil campers from Tiger Claw get here,

we give it our best shot, and we try to

come from behind at the last minute...

with some weird trick play that we

made up and we win the game.

What do you say, team?

It sounds like

well-worn territory.

The whole thing feels kind of

trite. I say we forget it.

- Is that how everybody feels?

- Yeah.

Well, it's fine with me.

So listen, they just

aren't into it. It's kind of trite.

Yeah, you're right. No problem, man.

It's sort of hackneyed. Tried

and done before.

See you later, man.

It's no big deal.

they were totally cool.

Okay? All right.

Susie is gonna score

with McKinley.

Then he's gonna need some

eyewitnesses for verification.

Let's go!

Why does she still

have her clothes on?

- Looks like she's playing the flute.

- Oh, wow. kinky.

As bared witness

by myself,

All of Camp Firewood and the higher

power, however you define it,

I hereby consecrate

and sanctify the union...

of McKinley and Ben.

May their majestic

and blessed love...

flourish all the days

of their lives.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Amen.

McKinley's a fag.

- McKinley's a fag with Ben!

- What are we gonna do?

Capture the flag!

Hey, aren't you

gonna eat anything?

I'm not hungry.

So, you haven't made many

friends this summer, have you?

No, I have not.

- Let's drop the robot voice, shall we?

- Okay.

- This your first summer here?

- Fifth. You were my counselor...

- three times.

- Now I'm the camp director.

If there's anything I can do to make your

last day more enjoyable, let me know.

Really?

I have an idea. How about

whatever you've been working

on is your talent tonight?

That way, the other campers

can get to know you.

- It's not a song or anything. - It's

okay. I'll have Susie put you on the list.

Oh, God! Thank you!

- How was the waterfront this morning?

- It was good.

We gonna get a chance

to spend time together?

Are you gonna pound this

into my face all day?

Sorry.

Apology accepted.

Guess what. A bunch of us went into town

and got ice cream and hamburgers...

It smells like the ribs are ready.

Beth, I may regret saying this,

- but how dare you usurp my authority

as producer... - Hmpf!

Director/choreographer

of the talent show?

You were wrong

to do that!

I have been busting

my balls, woman!

I am telling you,

the musical numbers are a mess,

my kids are a bunch

of amateurs,

and the last thing I need today

is some diabetic freak...

prancing around on stage

making my life a living hell!

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