Welcome To Collinwood

Synopsis: When petty thief Cosimo is given the plan for the perfect heist from a lifer in prison - the kind of job you dream about - he has to get out of jail, fast. But with Cosimo stuck in the joint, it's up to his girl Rosalind to track down a patsy. But while no one wants to do the time for Cosimo's crime, everybody seems to know a guy who will - and for a share, they're willing to track him down. Before long, Rosalind has five guys trailing behind her, looking to get their bungling hands on a piece of the action.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Production: Warner Bros.
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
86 min

I'm the wrong guy! I'm the wrong guy!

I'm the wrong guy! I'm the wrong guy!

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Your mother's a whore! Man! Come on.

What's so f***ing funny?

Hey, keep laughing at me

and I'll kill you.

I'm not laughing at you.

I'm laughing at life.

Life ain't funny, so quit it!

Listen to me.

I'm gonna tell you a secret.

A secret so you can laugh too.

Listen to me, you fool!

I am gonna tell you something

that will change your life.

You remember the old brick building

on Chester Avenue?

- There's a million brick buildings on...

- No! No.

The old flour factory.

With the bright gold brick.

What about it?

I'll wait for you

and think of you every night.

Listen to me, idiot.

I need a Mullinski.

I want you to go back to Collinwood.

Find someone to take the rap

for this car fiasco for me.

I'll pay 15 grand.

Fifteen grand?

Where are you gonna get 15 grand?

From a shoebox.

What shoebox?

It's under my bed.

You said we couldn't get married,

because you were broke.

You lied to me, you son of a b*tch.

Of all the sh*t you've put me through.

If we'd used that money,

I'm stuck in here.

- You want that? You want me in jail?

- No. No.

- I want you to buy me a ring.

- All right. Listen to what I'm saying.

I heard about a job in here.

The greatest job I've ever heard of.

It'll give us all the money we could

ever use for the rest of our lives.

If I get you a Mullinski,

will you marry me?

Will you?

All right! All right! On my mother.

All right. I'll get you a Mullinski.

- Who is it?

- It's Rosalind, Toto. Open up.

Toto no here!

No Toto.

- How'd you find me?

- This is where you live?

- Well, how do you know?

- It's me, Rosalind. Cosimo's woman.

Sweet Jesus. He gave me up, didn't he?

I tried to get him out of that car.

- I swear to God!

- Relax, old man. He didn't give you up.

- He needs your help.

- How can I help?

I'm like a caged animal! All day,

cops everywhere. I don't eat or sleep.

The cops can only get you through

Cosimo, and he'd never give you up.

But you've gotta help.

He needs a Mullinski.

I can't Mullinski for him.

I already did.

- The judge would lock us both up!

- No. He needs you to find a Mullinski.

- The offer's 15 grand.

- Fifteen.

I spent a year in isolation for him,

he only gave me five.

Yeah, well, somebody told him

about a job in there.

A job? What kind of job?

Can I trust you?

He says it could be his Bellini.

- Fifteen for a Mullinski?

- Yeah.

- What's the charge?

- Grand-theft auto.

Sh*t, forget it. I can't do it.

What are you talking about?

Grand-theft's easy, I did it.

It's not the time. It's my mother.

She'd die on the spot.

Well, she'd die happier knowing

you had 15 grand in your pocket.

What are you, sick?

Forget it. I'm not doing it.

Look, you're gonna turn down

What do you want from me?

I told you, I can't do it.

Let Cosimo rot.

He's the biggest a**hole in Collinwood.

- Look, swear you'll never repeat this.

- What?

Swear. Cosimo will kill me

if he ever finds out I told you.

- Come on. All right, I swear.

- Cosimo, he's got this big job lined up.

- Big? How big?

- Huge.

All that's huge about Cosimo

is his fat head.

- He says it's his Bellini.

- His Bellini.

Everybody in this neighborhood's

got a Bellini.

- Hey, Mickey.

- What's up?

- How's your Bellini?

- Watch your mouth.

No. Cosimo's...

Cosimo's is real.

A lifer gave it up to him

in the joint.

That's why he's so desperate

to find a Mullinski.

A lifer gave it up to him?

You see, I figure...

...if we help Cosimo get out, maybe we

can get in on some of the action.

- How much action?

- Cosimo says 300 grand.

- Holy sh*t.

- Yeah. I know.

I don't know.

Look. How much money did you wake up

with in your pocket this morning?

Fifty-five cents.

What have you got to lose?

- Do you know Leon?

- That Negro who hides his sister?

He's a nut case,

but he always needs dough.

I can't do it.

My sister's engaged to be married.

Jesus. This will pay for the wedding.

This is 10 grand we're talking about.

Fianc's a snob from the suburbs. If I

go to the pen, there'd be no wedding.

This is crazy. How hard can it be

to find a Mullinski?

You gotta know somebody

that could use the dough.

- Friends who'd be better off in jail.

- What the f*** does that mean?

It means what it means.

Screw Cosimo. Why give a sh*t?

He's the biggest a**hole in Collinwood.

- Yeah, but he's got a Bellini.

- What are you doing to me?

- You wanna find a Mullinski?

- Every sucker's got a Bellini.

This one's legit.

A lifer gave it up to him.

Anybody who helps

can get a piece of the action.

- Why didn't the lifer pull it?

- Because he's a lifer.

He went to the pen before he could.

A genuine Bellini?

You swear on your mother?

I swear on my mother.


You fellows know Riley?

What the f*** are you doing?

I just got the baby to sleep

after three hours.

- I'm sorry.

- It's all right.

It's all right.

It's just... He's very neurotic.


...and bright lights upset him terribly.

I'm sorry. If you're here for pictures,

I'm out of the business.

My wife's in the pen. I had to sell my

cameras to buy diapers and baby food.

But if you're interested...

...I'm selling drinking glasses.

I paint them.

They're all hand-painted. By me.

If you're interested.

- Sweet Jesus, I am so broke.

- Funny you should mention that.

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Anthony Russo

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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