Waffle Street

1

Man:
What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

What we do is legal,

therefore, it is not unethical.

If this was unethical,

it would be illegal.

That company mantra

was the only thing

fending off this latest

bout of moral crisis.

You see, I just sold this guy

and his two financial gurus

on investing $200 million

in our mortgage fund.

He will lose almost everything.

My firm will make $26 million.

And it's totally legal.

Therefore, it is not unethical.

At a young age, it occurred

to me that I was different.

You see, it's always been easier for me to

relate intellectually as opposed to emotionally.

While most children

were playing pretend,

I focused my efforts

on counting to 100.

For Halloween, I departed from the

traditional superhero or ghoul,

and instead dressed as seven-time

mathlete champion, Franklin Stubbs.

In high school, I divided my time

between "The Wall Street Journal"

and classic literature.

By 16, I had a life plan

mapped out to my 65th birthday.

After a freak

Segway-ing accident...

landed me

in the college infirmary,

I had my heart stolen by a sympathetic

coed working on her nursing degree.

Somehow, she found

my idiosyncrasies endearing.

Eight years

and two business degrees later,

I landed in finance.

We hate Wall Street!

We hate Wall Street!

Man:
To survive the

crash, I worked overtime.

Some nights, I slept there.

I had goals to reach.

I got the car, bought the house,

then worked my way up

to vice president.

After this deal,

they'd make me a partner.

Overnight, our firm

was gonna be worth three-fold.

To celebrate, the top brass

threw a party in my honor.

It didn't occur to them that I

neither drink nor enjoy bars,

but being the man of the hour, I

was forced to make an appearance

and enjoy

my 18-dollar virgin tonic.

Jim! Jim, my man!

How you doing?

You having a good time, huh?

I just wanna say

excellent work. Top notch.

- What we asked of you was not easy.

- Thank you.

You enjoy yourself

because you deserve it.

I... I am.

Unfortunately, it is about

time for me to head out.

- No!

- Becky leaves for work in 45 minutes,

and she'll be disappointed

if I don't see her off.

Listen, good for you.

Before you go, let's get a

picture with Phil and Hal.

Don't you move. Don't move.

Jim:
Today's mark was an

eccentric billionaire.

But I had spent

the last six years

talking people

out of their money,

banks, college endowments,

teachers' pension funds.

If there was a nickel to be had,

it was my job to get it.

When the guilt piled up,

I buried it with my ambition.

If I climbed high enough,

maybe I could outrun it.

- Jim, how are you?

- Good.

- Jim.

- Come on in.

Take a seat.

How is Becky?

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