Vinyl Page #3

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of Happiness are back."

- I'm not back.

- No, I'm too busy.

I've got better things to do.

Better than being in a band?

Better than having a hit single?

Come on, Robbie. Don't tell me you

don't missing being in a band.

I don't miss touring about

in some crappy old van

and living like a refugee.

And we ain't got a recording

contract no more.

When the old label get a load of this,

they'll sign us back up in no time.

Yeah, right. Make sure the money

gets split four ways this time.

Don't want to get screwed over

again like we were last time.

You got 15% on songs

you never wrote.

What other band does that?

U2.

Well, you save Africa from

poverty like Bono did,

and I'll give you 10% more.

I'm not interested, mate.

The band split up years ago.

That was the end of that chapter.

- These are great, these, aren't they?

- I'm gonna get tea.

That's a horrible

bloody cup of tea.

Well, you go down and make it then.

Jules! Jules, I'm back.

God! Johnny!

You got to hear this.

I'm trying to sleep.

Have you only just got in?

Yeah. And I feel brilliant.

I haven't felt this good in years.

Where did you dig that up?

We did that last night.

Last night? It sounds like

one of your early ones.

I know, but better.

This could be a hit.

- Yeah. Probably.

- Probably? No, no, no.

Definitely!

Oh, no. Oh, God, no.

No. You're actually thinking

of doing this, aren't you?

- Yeah. Why not?

- Johnny!

Because we came here for a funeral.

We didn't come back here so you

can get the band back together.

I'm not getting the band back together.

I just want to put out a record.

I've got an appointment

at the fertility clinic.

Look, I want to go down to London.

I'll hop on the train to

the old record company.

- No way! No way!

- We'll be back in Ireland

in a couple days!

Listen, I'm doing

this for both of us.

If this record hits,

right, we'll be rich.

You can have as many

babies as you want.

Can I have that in writing?

- Stuart Conley.

- Who?

- Stuart Conley, head of A&R.

- Nobody by that name works here.

Jim Breen's head of A&R.

Well, tell him Johnny Jones, Weapons

of Happiness, is here to see him.

- Do you have an appointment?

- Listen, mate.

I recorded three gold

albums for this company.

- I don't need an appointment.

- Okay.

Buzzcocks. Yeah, we opened for them

at Eric's in Liverpool

back when we started.

Who?

The Buzzcocks. You like them.

I never heard them.

I just collect vintage T-shirts.

Heard of my band,

Weapons of Happiness?

No, but I've heard of Liverpool.

Johnny, pleased to meet you.

Great to finally meet you.

My dad loves you. He dressed

a bit like you growing up.

- Listen, have you eaten?

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