Victoria & Abdul

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1

(MUEZZIN CALLING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Idiot!

(SPEAKING Hindi)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(SPEAKING Hindi)

Ah! Mr. Karim!

I wanted to speak to you

about the carpets

we sent to the

British Exhibition.

There is a problem, sir?

No, no.

The carpets went down

very well.

In fact,

the Governor General

has received a letter

from the Royal Household

thanking him personally.

It's all been such a success,

he has decided

to present the Queen with a

"Mohur" as part of the Jubilee.

A "Mohur," sir?

A Mohur.

Apparently, it's some sort

of ceremonial coin.

I have been asked to find

someone tall to present it.

You're the

tallest person here.

When will she

be arriving, sir?

Not in Agra...

In England!

You will travel to England

and present the Mohur

at an official function.

Like an equerry.

On a horse?

I don't think there'll be

a horse. (CHUCKLES)

Equerry always has a horse,

Mr. Tyler, sir.

Well, maybe not like

an equerry, exactly.

(SCATTERED CONVERSATIONS)

Morning!

Ah! Morning!

This is Major Bigge...

Extra Groom-in-Waiting to the

Royal Household, Windsor,

who will be in charge

of your journey.

This is Abdul.

Top hole!

And this is Mohammed,

who will also be

presenting the Mohur.

He's very short.

We had to swap him

at the last moment.

The tall chap had an accident

with an elephant.

(QUEEN VICTORIA SNORING)

MRS. TUCK:

Good morning, Your Majesty.

(GROANS)

MAJOR BIGGE:
At the head

is the Lord Chamberlain,

then the Private Secretary,

the Deputy Private Secretary,

the ladies-in-waiting, the upper servants,

the lower-upper servants.

Then the members

of the Household.

One, the Head

of the Bedchamber.

Two, the Personal

Head of Staff.

Three, the Butler in Chief, who is

in charge of the Household Butler,

the kitchen factotum, the Head Chef,

the head of waiting staff,

the ordinary waiting staff,

Windsor, the table maids,

then you.

Any questions?

Uh-huh. Who will have

the Mohur, sir?

I'm not exactly sure as yet.

I suspect you'll both

carry it on a cushion.

Do we both

get a cushion?

I really don't know.

The key to good service is standing

still and moving backwards.

The most important thing

is you must not look at her.

(SPEAKING URDU)

Have you any idea

how cold it is in England?

We're gonna die there.

Why did you agree to come?

The tall one

fell off an elephant.

I wasn't given a choice.

Ugh! Five thousand miles

to present a bloody medal

to the oppressor of the

entire Indian subcontinent.

You don't realize what a

great honor this is for us.

Have you ever tasted English food?

They eat pigs' blood.

They do not eat pigs' blood.

I'm telling you.

They put pigs' blood in the

sausages and brains of sheep.

Ugh!

(CHUCKLES)

The place is

completely barbaric.

(SHIP WHISTLE HOOTING)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

BEGGAR:
Give me some money.

Please, sir.

Civilization!

Give us a farthing.

Give us a farthing, sir.

Arms.

(QUEEN VICTORIA GROANS)

TAILOR:
Arms.

We copied them from some

drawings in the British Museum.

Splendid!

You do know a sash is

not traditional, sir?

The Indian drawings

didn't look very... "Indian."

So we made some innovations.

The important thing

is to look

authentic.

MAJOR BIGGE:

Looks jolly good to me.

SIR HENRY:
Jubilee celebrations.

9:
00, breakfast in London.

Quarter to 10:
00,

changing of the guard.

11:
00, meeting with

the Swedish Ambassador.

12:
00, luncheon with Oscar II,

King of Sweden and Norway,

the Norwegian Ambassador,

the Chief Under-Secretary of State

for the Southern

Norwegian Provinces,

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