Synopsis: Maurice Russell, once a great actor, is now living in London in the twilight of his life. Those of his generation remember him fondly, while those in the younger generations have no idea who he is. He spends most of his time hanging out with his friends Ian, also an actor, and Donald, or visiting with his wife Valerie for who he has great affection but with who he no longer lives. His acting career is virtually over, he only taking roles on the odd occasion when he needs the money. Ian has decided to invite his young great-niece Jessie from the provinces to come and stay with him, basically to act as his caregiver in case he falls ill, but also to be his companion. He envisions listening to Bach with her and her cooking him food to which he is accustomed. Jessie's stay is nothing as he envisions. She doesn't know how to cook, she drinks all his alcohol, and she has unrealistic visions of what she will accomplish in her life. Maurice, however, sees in Jessie, a person who can help him r
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Roger Michell
Production: Miramax Films
  Nominated for 1 Oscar. Another 4 wins & 20 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
95 min

Shall we?

We shall.

Oh, my God.

Now what have I got today?

Oh. Mmm.

You should try these.

You'II never wake up.

It's the waking up pills I'm Iooking for.

Anything blue, I recommend for that.

White ones give me more of a thrill.



-There we are.

"Do not operate heavy machinery.

"Keep away from children."

Biblical advice.

There you go, gentlemen.

Thank you.

-Excellent, my dear.

-Have you got my glasses?

-No, you've got them.

Why would I have them?

I'm not wearing them, am I?

Christ, I've Iost them now!.

That's the worst thing

that's ever happened...

They're in your right hand.

Oh, yeah.

You wouldn't Iast five minutes

without me.

I'm getting help.


-My niece's girl.

Have you worked out

what the girl will actually do?

She'II shop and cook for me.

-A sort of nurse, then?

-No uniform.

Don't give yourself a coronary.

At the hospital they said

if I'm clear in five years, I'm safe.

I said,

"By then I'II be drinking with Jesus."

He's Iooking forward to meeting you.

He Ioved your Polonius.

But he found your Caesar a Iittle weak.


A Iittle...



No, he f***ing didn't.

Did he? Fruity?

What the f***? Fruity!. F***ing fruit.

I'm parched.

How about a drink?

This isn't a pub.

I've got to get her room ready.

Can I help?

God, no.

No, don't flap it about Iike that,


I'm getting wind rash.

-I'II tuck it in, you'II tire yourself.

-She'II suffocate in there.

There's no reason for her

to move around unnecessarily at night.

-Not unless she needs to attend to me.

-In what way?

I've bought a Iittle bell

to put beside my bed.


If I feel unwell, I can tinkle it. See?

I bet she can't wait

to hear that Iittle tinkle.

I've bought her a pink towel, too.

So there's no confusion

in the bathroom.

No, you wouldn't want that.


And in case she wants

something to read, I got her these.

F***ing Edith Wharton.

I really want to educate the girl,


Pass something on.

Yes, dear.

She Ioves music.

While we're eating, I thought we could

Iisten to the St. Matthew Passion.


No doubt it'II be tomato soup

and a temazepam for you.

No doubt.

Shall I get her to run a nice bath

and put my dressing-gown

on the radiator?

I hope she can do a rocket salad.

Or something interesting with fish.

Going anywhere

nice for the holidays?



-Piranha fish.


Right, Maurice,

deep breath for me now.

And, there we go.


Easy but not necessarily nice.

Uncomfortable? That's quite normal.

Feel the same myself.

Everything all right otherwise?

Life treating you well?

-Jesus Christ.


The prostate should feel Iike a peach

with a groove down the center.

Yours is a Iittle bumpy.

There might be a small nodule in there,

but it could easily be nothing.

So we need to send you to a specialist.

A Iot of older men have this problem.

It rarely kills them.

They die of something else first.


So you should worry a Iittle

but not a Iot.

Now then...

Not after Iast year.

I made that quite clear.

Good on you.

In the end, there was

such a stream of... You know.


-Yeah. Coming and going, and all that.

I felt Iike standing outside

and shouting,

"Another warm body for my friend."

-You should have done.

-Yeah, I know. Excuse me.

That's fine. AII done. Can you put

your finger on that, please?

Hello. How are we today?

Come on, old man!


Thank Christ you're here.

What's up?

Horrible, horrible, foul

and vile beyond belief.

What an upset.

Was the bath too cold

or the towel too hot?

-Was the fish overcooked?

-Fish? Fish? Fish?

I'd have been Iucky to get a fish finger

inserted into my rectum.

-Good God!

-God, Maurice.

What's gone wrong?

It's hardly been 24 hours,

already I'm screaming for euthanasia.

-Shouldn't you be getting ready?

-For what?

The theater.

Oh, God, yes.

Yes. Let's Ieave immediately.

I'II just change.

Let's hope it's a Iong play.

You've never said that before.

I'm Maurice.



Can I?

You will find I usually

call around this time, for a Iittle drinkie.

I Iike whiskey with a whisker of water.

No more than a whisker, mind you.

That ruins it.

It's called "drowning."


Do you know how to mix drinks?

Once acquired,

it's a talent that will serve you for Iife.

Like typing.


So, what are you doing?

-In London, I mean.

-Looking for work.

-What sort of work?


-You know, work.

-Yes, yes, I know all about it.

Any particular kind?


-There can't be much call for that.

-Call for what?


Not yodeling! Yodeling?

Modeling! You know.

You know anyone

in the modeling field?

Yes. I know everyone.

Do you have a fallback position?


-No, I don't need one.


-Are you saying I do?

-No. I wouldn't say that.


-No? Good.

I'm thirsty now. Can I have a beer?

I told him to get me some in.

-What did he say?

-He said it were a slippery slope.




It won't be as good as

Celebrity Love Island,

but it will be live.


-You might enjoy it.

-Can't we go and see Lion King?

-What a good idea.

Come on, you minger!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Hanif Kureishi

Hanif Kureishi, CBE (born 5 December 1954) is a British playwright, screenwriter, filmmaker and novelist of Pakistani and English descent. In 2008, The Times included Kureishi in their list of "The 50 greatest British writers since 1945". more…

All Hanif Kureishi scripts | Hanif Kureishi Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Venus" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 May 2024. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer



    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.