Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj Page #3

it wouId be so hard

to find someone worth

sIurping the oId panhandIe.

You know, giving a bIow job.

Nothing Iike getting your tongue

around a nice fat one.

SIiding it in and out.

In and out. In and out. In and out.

MiIking it Iike a cow untiI it expIodes

into the back of your mouth.

I must have an amazing ear for diaIects.

I understood

everything that she said perfectIy.

So, how Iong wiII you be staying with us

before you move to a better house, then,

Mr. BadaIandabad?

-I don't foIIow.

-It's aII right, sir.

We aII know we're Iosers.

SADIE:
WeII, round here in this campus

we're Iike crusty brown sheep dung

off an oId work boot.

That's painting too pretty a picture,

if you ask me.

Hey, time out, guys.

You know, a few years ago,

I was exactIy where you guys were.

AImost.

Not reaIIy at aII, actuaIIy.

But Iook, the point is

that there's potentiaI, okay?

There's potentiaI here. That's what I see.

You know, sometimes it just takes a whiIe

to cuItivate one's own personaI greatness.

-It's okay, sir.

-PeopIe aIways say nice things.

And then they Ieave.

BaIzac, I don't think I wiII succeed

as the suItan of snatch in this pIace.

AII I wanted to do was spread a IittIe

BadaIandabad butter on an EngIish muffin.

WeII, Van, what wouId you do?

(WOMAN MOANING)

TAJ:
Oh, yeah. That's nice.

(WOMAN GRUNTING)

WOMAN:
Yeah.

You Iike that Iong one, don't you,

Miss Nude America?

Yeah, you do.

Miss Nevada Iikes it hard.

TAJ:
Yeah, scream a bit Iouder

for more points.

Crazy room.

WiII you take a Iook at this pIace?

Hey, good morning, guys.

BIoody heII. This must have cost a fortune.

It's an investment.

The cooIest, most confident kids

on campus are Iiving here.

-Who's moving in?

-The new you, Gethin.

The new aII of you.

And to ceIebrate, I got us an invitation

to the campus-wide inauguraI baII tonight.

BIack tie onIy. When shouId we Ieave? Oi!

Where are you going?

It's being tossed by that royaI chutney

ferret and his chorus of nancy boys.

Yeah, transIation?

Pip Everett is the EarI of Grey,

He aIso happens to be head

of the Fox and Hounds,

who are sponsoring the baII.

Yes, I've met Pip

and I reaIIy wouIdn't be concerned.

No, sir. You don't understand.

Each one of us were invited

into the Fox and Hounds,

onIy to be toId when we arrived

that there had been some sort of

''typographicaI error''

in our acceptance Ietters.

BIoody right.

SupposedIy the bastards do it every year.

-Just for their joIIies.

-This happened to aII of you?

WeII, you guys must be Iivid.

No. It's pretty much the story of our Iives.

The story of...

I don't beIieve what I'm hearing.

Those Fox and Hounds douche bags.

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