Urbania

Man:
No.

Hear any good stories lately?

Let me see

if I know any.

Oh, I got a good one,

and this one

really happened,

I swear.

It's another example

of the universe saying,

"Just when you thought

you were safe.

Just when you thought

you had it all under control...

wrong place, wrong time."

No.

No. No!

Just give me a second

to figure out the ending.

URBANIA:

Don't you start with me.

Sh*t.

No, I won't sink

to that level.

Pussies hold,

you got 60 seconds.

Woman:
Yum.

My favorite...

mystery meat.

Yeah, isn't it a little...?

Yes, it is.

Hold on.

Atta boy.

Of course I have something

in position.

You're done.

You a broker?

Commodities.

Got any inside skinny?

You wanna talk business?

Talk down to me.

Okay.

What have you

learned so far?

That I can't control

the market.

Just listen to your body;

it's a disciplined investor.

About your kidney...

taxable fund.

One gets over taxed

you got another one

to start all over again.

And then there's

my favorite...

the emerging markets.

Only risk

what you're willing to lose.

Like my daddy said,

"You get some battle scars,

they make great war stories."

Woman:
They took his kidney,

left him cold,

wet and bleeding.

Man:
Uh huh.

What? It's true.

I love this city.

Someone's always got it

worse than you.

It's true.

Man:
Did you hear

any good stories lately?

Woman:
You hear so many

horror stories

about what's going

on out there.

What is your story?

Hey.

F*** you.

Hey, that's what I eat.

Woman:
You know,

I heard this story

about this friend

of a friend of mine...

Man:
I know this one.

Remember the 50s?

People were f***ed

back then doing it

and just as high.

Up the ass in the mouth...

You want some gum?

Why?

Take it.

We got to get the kids

to the country

where they'll be safe.

I have to go up.

Why?

- This happened.

- Uh huh.

What if I finally found

that thing I can't get through?

Wouldn't that suck?

I'm sorry, this is your story.

Go ahead.

All right, I got a good one,

and this one really happened.

Woman:
So the vender

reaches in for a hot dog

and pulls out

a boiled rat.

Uh huh.

So I guess he lost his pet

chihuahua or something

and found him

in the cooker.

This sh*t happens

all the time.

What?

That's my way of keeping

sh*t from happening to me.

Some bull sh*t story.

Shut up.

It's true.

Something happen to you?

Don't worry,

I got everything under control.

- This happened.

- Uh huh.

It's true.

You hear so many

horror stories

about what's goin' on

out there.

What, it's just

a story, right?

Don't play games with me.

You think you got it

all figured out.

You don't know

sh*t about me.

What did you do?

It's weird.

I'm working graveyard now.

I can't sleep.

So I'm always going out

when everyone's coming in.

And today I felt like

I was going back

in time

to you.

Please pick up.

I'm calling like always

before to say that

I'm on my way home.

I really thought

you might be there.

Watch out, they're putting

infected needles in there.

One prick and...

Oh. Not exactly

the change I was looking for.

Hey, I got eight inches

and it's all for you.

- Hey.

- Okay,

if I get to keep it

when we're done.

Much better than, "Hey."

Gotta learn

to protect yourself.

Amen.

Where are you headed?

Oh.

Your life can change

in a second.

I know that.

You're never given anything

you can't handle.

Bull sh*t.

It's nice to meet you.

Man:
I don't go out

to go in.

That drag queen

is dragging me down!

Terry, baby, it's Sam.

Terry!

Terry?

- Oh. Hey.

- Sorry.

Listen, man, I have

never done this before.

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