Under The Yum Yum Tree

Synopsis: Hogan owns and operates the Centaur Apartment complex. He rents the units to young women only at less than half their market value in order to spy on them lasciviously and seduce them. After Hogan's latest conquest, Dr. Irene Wilson, a college professor, moves out when their romance goes sour, Hogan is more than happy to rent that apartment to blonde college student Robin Austin. Hogan is even happier when he learns Robin will have a slightly taller brunette roommate. What Hogan doesn't initially know is that Robin is Irene's student and niece, and that Robin's roommate will be her boyfriend, fellow college student David Manning. Not wanting to mistake lust for love, Robin convinced a sexually frustrated David - with who she has not yet had sex - to this platonic cohabitation arrangement solely to see if they are truly compatible as people before they decide to get married. When Hogan finds out about David and the arrangement, he tries subversively to thwart any romance between Robin a
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): David Swift
Production: Sony Pictures Entertainment
110 min

David, that tickles, darling.

- You know what drives me crazy?

- What?

Time we're wasting.

Robin, marry me. Will you?

David, we've been all through that.

I won't be lobbied into marriage

- by over-stimulated glands.

- Rob, this is different.

But, David, I want to marry you out of love,

deep, real and absolute.

I don't want to be carried away by my own

fermenting juices, like some girls I know.

When the temperatures cooled down,

what were they left with?

Corroded hopes, unfulfilled dreams,

and a house full of children.

- Well, no, thanks. Not for me.

- Rob.

That's why the plan we've worked out

is so perfect, David.

To live together without sleeping together.

Why, it's an absolutely brilliant way

to find out if we're compatible.

It's crazy. Honey, you're asking

for a silk-smooth marital future

without any problems whatsoever,

and there ain't no such animal.

- Well, for Pete's sake, we can try.

- You're wacky, you know that?

- You're...

- David, it makes very good sense.

We find out if we have real

character compatibility

to see if we fulfill each other's

non-physical needs.

- Now, David, you agreed.

- I don't agree.

Now, honey, I'm going along with this thing

because I happen to be in love with you,

but that doesn't alter the fact

that you are a genuine, gold-plated kook.

Who ever heard of normal,

supposedly sane people

- living together in such a nutty setup?

- David, I want...

All right, all right.

I said I'd go along with it.

Then it's all settled? Oh, David!

- All I have to do now is find an apartment.

- You know, you're really oblivious.

Nobody goes out around here

and finds an apartment.

I have married friends

who've been searching for months.

Don't worry about it.

I will find an apartment.

- You will find an apartment.

- Bye-bye. I have to run.

We're all dying to know how it works out.

Keep us informed, won't you?

Do you know that

I'm gonna have to figure out a way

to keep my parents from finding out?

They'd go screaming berserk

if they knew I was living with a man.

Your toothbrush hanging right by Dave's,

side by side.

It sounds so deliciously illicit.

I get goose bumps.

May I say, I don't think the divorce rate

is the entire picture

- of disharmony and discord.

- How do you mean?

Well, think of all the thousands of

marriages where there is not divorce.

People just go on living together

in mutual dislike.

I agree with Ardice.

And one reason this happens

is because kids get married

before they're emotionally mature.

They think it's love, but it's really

just intense physical attraction.


Kids go start necking,

they lose all power of rational thinking.

There has to be a courtship.

A boy and girl have got

to get to know each other.

In the front seat of a parked car?

God, when you're so busy necking,

who's got time for a character analysis?

- Try taking notes.

- I did.

All right.

Tomorrow, the first four chapters of

Neurotic Interaction in Marriage,

edited by Dr. Victor Eisenstein.

That's all for today.

Bye-bye, Irene.

Robin, there was a call for you yesterday

from San Francisco.

- Did you get it?

- Yes. It was only Mother.

She wants to know if you're coming up

for Easter vacation?

I meant to write. I'll take care of it.

Irene, can I ask you

an impertinent question?

- Why, as your teacher or your aunt?

- More as just a woman.

Before you married Uncle Frank, did you...

- Did I what?

- You know.

Well, I was hoping I was mistaken.

I'm not passing moral judgment.

I'm just doing personal research.

- You know, Dave and I haven't.

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Lawrence Roman

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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