Uncle Buck

Get your bag off the table.

People eat there.

They eat on plates.

Don't give me crap, Maizy.

I'm telling. You said "crap."

- There's nothing wrong with "crap."

- Really? I thought that was a swear.

- You're thinking of "sh*t."

- Right.

Do you mind?

A sixth-grader chased me with his bike

and I was running.

When I got exhausted and fell down,

he waled me with his shoe.

- Thank your parents for that.

- How come?

It was their brilliant idea

to move here.

They weren't making enough cash

in Indianapolis.

Forget that we were

perfectly happy.

So thank them for getting treated

like sh*t every day.

- I'm telling on that one.

- Shut your face.

- Your book bag doesn't go on the floor.

- Always have a cow.

- Your nails are digging into my arm!

- Pick it up!

You're just supposed

to open the door for us.

You're not supposed

to kick us around.

I'm an American.

I have rights!

Maizy, did I kick you around?

No, but you said "sh*t" twice.

But only once for real.

I've got better things to do

than baby-sit you, you little stain.

Like what, hang out with friends

you don't have?

Why don't you just shut up?

Want to make me?

When our mother figure isn't here,

I'm in charge.

- I'm sick of you calling her that.

- Too bad.

You moron!

- Why do we need boys? They're so loud.

- Shut up!

- Shut up yourself!

- We need boys...

so they can grow up, get married

and turn into shadows.

Let the dog out.

Percy!

This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother.

How do you find the time?

Miles.

Maizy, put that down.

- Did you win at hockey yesterday?

- Hockey's been over for two weeks.

I guess you don't want a hockey stick

for your birthday.

You know what?

When Dad goes to New York,

I'm going to take a week off work.

So you can interview

new housekeepers?

- I've had enough of your ugliness.

- Really?

We're all a little tired of the act.

- This is really a good idea.

- Thank you.

- How's the pie?

- Not bad.

Will you be at work in the morning?

I can't avoid it.

You don't seem happy about it.

If you've got to know, I'm not excited

about working for my girlfriend.

There, I said it.

Buck, I love you.

I can't help myself. I want to get

married and have a family with you.

The clock is ticking away.

I would like to hear the pitter-patter

of tiny feet before I die.

I'll get you a mouse

and a piece of sheet metal.

- Lighten up, will you?

- Don't push my buttons.

I'm not pushing your buttons.

I know me.

I know what I like.

I like my friends, my freedom.

I like knowing I can go golfing

anytime I want.

I don't hurt anybody.

I don't see what the problem is.

That is the best formula for loneliness

I ever heard.

- Why are we arguing?

- We're talking.

I said I'd be at work in the morning.

I'll be there.

Okay.

I've got to get this out.

I know I'm harping,

but let me say it.

I'm working on history,

on the past.

You're gonna show up? Swear to God?

In the a.m.? Promise?

Chanice, I'll be honest with you.

If I could think of an excuse

that you would buy, I'd use it.

Hello.

- Oh, God!

- What?

Just a second.

It's your aunt.

What happened?

Your dad had a heart attack.

Who's gonna watch the kids?

Marcie.

She's right across the street.

She's the last person

I'd ask for a favor.

What about the Nevilles?

Would you call them?

I want to leave as soon as we can.

I am so helpless here.

Don't start getting down

on why we moved.

It has nothing to do

with what happened.

Sorry.

This is just a thought.

What about Buck?

I'm sure he'd be glad to help out.

This is not the time

to discuss your brother.

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