Tyrannosaur

(Joseph) 'What the f***?'

F***ing touch it,

I'll f***ing kill you.

F***ing wankers.

You want it?

F***ing c*nts. F***ing money.

My f***ing money.

(Mumbles)

F***ing c*nts.

I'll f***ing tear yous apart

by your f***ing throats.

(Barks and whines)

C*nts. They take your f***ing money.

Come on, you.

(Barks)

Shut the f*** up.

(Yelps)...

...(Whispers) Oh, f***.

(Breathes heavily)...

...(Stamps book)...

I've got a present for you.

- Oh, yeah?

Home-made. Covert.

In fact, I've got it on me just now.

Could be in my shoe.

Might go off at any minute.

Can you hear it?

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Boom.

Look, do you want your money,

or shall I call the police?

I'm sorry.

You keep coming here,

giving me your sh*t, mate.

No, don't... Don't phone the police.

I'm sorry. Just...

Give me the money, please.

(Sighs)

Don't come here again, OK?

OK.

(Boys chatting)...

...(Boy) Right, I'll tell you what,

if you miss this shot,

you've got to suck my dick.

You're going to get my dick,

and go...

...(Hums)

And I want you humming on my balls.

And then I want...

...(Boy 2) You can suck this dick, mate.

(Boy) I'll suck your dick.

Give it here.

(BOY hums)

Will you shut the f*** up?

Shut the f*** up.

What the f*** are you laughing at?

- Now, mate. Just a private joke.

Well, do you want to share it?

Wanna give me a f***ing laugh?

Not really.

- Right, well, f*** up then.

Doing my f***ing head in.

- Who the f*** do you think you are?

(Boy 2) Leave it, Dan.

- Watch. Oi, what you staring at?

Hey, what the f*** you staring at?

Want this pool cue

wrapped round your f***ing head?

F***ing answer me.

Do you want this pool cue

wrapped round your f***ing head?

No.

- Right, then.

Well, drink your drink, and

keep your f***ing nose out. Prick.

(Boy 2) Dan, watch it.

(Pants)...

Do you think I'm f***ing a poof?

- No.

Do you think I'm a f***ing poof?

- No.

Want to suck my cock?

- No. We've just come in for a drink.

You want to suck my cock?

- No.

Suck this.

- I don't know why you're doing this.

(Sobs)...

...(Breathes heavily)...

...(Shop bell rings)

Hello?

Are you all right in there?

Are you hiding from somebody?

Can I move this rail?

- No.

OK.

I can't just leave you there, though.

What's your name?

Robert De Niro.

Would you like a cup of tea?

F*** off.

Would you like me to pray for you, Robert?

Father, God, I'm asking you now

to touch this man,

and to reach into his heart.

He's in pain, Lord.

I believe you've brought him to me

to help him find his way.

He seems lost, Lord.

Give him the strength to find a way.

And let him know

that whatever is troubling him,

he can confide in you

and ask for your forgiveness.

(Sobs)

OK.

All right.

Do you feel better now?

Bye.

What you doing out at this time?

- Waiting for my mum.

Has she gone out and left you out here?

No. She's in with her boyfriend.

Where's Bluey?

He died, son.

How?

Got run over.

Are you sad?

(Sighs) Yep.

Are you gonna kill the man that did it?

It was a hit-and-run.

They never caught the guy.

It's a shame. I liked that dog.

- Yeah, me too.

Why did he sleep in the shed?

- Wife didn't like him in the house.

Your wife's dead. Could've put him in

the house. She wouldn't have known.

Old habits.

(Woman) Sam. In. Now.

Night, son.

- Night, Joseph.

All right, fucko.

Hey, he's not gonna bite you.

He's just gonna f***ing eat you.

(Growls)

What you looking at, you old c*nt?

(Grunting)...

Hello.

- (Groans)...

...sorry

You're on my shutters.

Just I need to open up.

Do you want to come in?

I'll open up.

(Groans)

Here you go.

So, what happened to you?

Fell off my bike.

OK. Well, you look like

you need to go to the hospital.

Nah. I'll heal myself.

I prayed for you last night.

Yeah, well, it didn't f***ing work.

I think it did.

Don't think he heard you, love.

Why did you come here?

I was just passing.

There must be a reason. Do you want

God to forgive you for something?

(Chuckles)

I don't want anything from that f***.

God loves you.

- Does he now?

You're a child of God.

God ain't my f***ing daddy.

My daddy was a c*nt,

but he knew he was a c*nt.

God still thinks he's God.

Nobody's told him otherwise.

Why are you so angry at God?

- Why are you so f***ing stupid?

I've met people like you all my f***ing life.

Goodie goodies.

Make a charity record.

Bake a cake. Save a f***ing soul.

You've never eaten sh*t.

Don't know what it's like out there.

You haven't a clue.

Where do you live?

- What?

I asked you where you lived.

Simple f***ing question. You deaf?

Manors Estate.

Manors f***ing Estate.

How is Manors Estate?

How are the five-bedroomed,

double-garaged, nicely trimmed lawn,

fondue, coffee-morning

f***ing lifestyle Manors Estate?

How is it up there? Swimming, is it?

What the f***

are you doing down here, huh?

What are you doing running this shop?

You're a young woman.

You have a family? Got kids?

No. We can't have them.

Can't or won't?

This fills a gap, doesn't it?

You reckon you do enough good deeds,

God's gonna fix your insides?

Please.

Or is your man a jaffa?

Thanks for the tea.

I'll pray for you.

(Shop bell rings)...

...(Sniffs)...

...(Whispers)

What the f*** is wrong with you?

I'm a f***ing arse.

You're a f***ing...

...(Barman) You all right, Joseph?

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote