Two for the Seesaw Page #5

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I didn't want to take candy

from a baby. I came east with $500.

I'm trying to live on 3.50 a day.

You spent 16.80 tonight!

- I splurged. My birthday.

- Birthday?

Also, I bought a dollar cigar.

You bought your own birthday present?

- Why didn't you tell me, Jerry?

- Why?

- You'd have given me one?

- Sure.

Thanks, but I'm not hinting for handouts

from lovable crackpot waifs.

Don't say "Go" when signalling "Come".

It's not ladylike.

You haven't been hinting for handouts?

- What?

- You've done it all night.

- Those hints, unhappy, bedbugs, broke.

- Unhappy bedbugs?

Unhappy. Bedbugs. Like if I don't sleep

with you, they'll find you dead.

- Wait, who said that?

- You did.

With the garbage or off a bridge, you're

so lonely. That's the last thing you said.

That might have been campaign oratory,

an approach,

but I haven't done that all night.

First thing you said was "Help me",

on the telephone!

- No. I said I wouldn't say...

- You said "Help me"! I said "Sure"!

I'm not complaining but why

call me names, you want it both ways?

Hey, I say something

to hurt your feelings?

I was griped. I wanted to get back at you.

It's natural.

No, it's just that you're right,

the point you made.

- What point?

- That I ask for handouts.

I never saw it before but it happened

tonight, right under my very nose.

- And if I do...

- Where are you going now?

Back to solitary. There I go again.

If you hate that joint so much

that you don't wanna go back, stay.

I got a couch. You take the bed.

- Stay?

- A good night's sleep, you'll feel better.

OK? Settled.

You mind my sheets?

They're clean and I had a bath.

- No, Gittel, only...

- Only what? You got a lousy bed.

Tomorrow you get some kerosene

and see where they come out of the wall.

Gittel, you're a very sweet girl.

Well... you're a very sweet girl, too.

The john's right over there.

- Get a good night's sleep, you'll...

- Feel better in the morning.

- Gittel.

- What? Still stewing? I've moved already.

After what we talked about, handouts,

don't you think it's weak of me?

What, on your birthday?

Pillow. Pardon me.

- Should I stay, really?

- Don't nudja me. You wanna stay?

So stay.

What the hell! Happy birthday!

You should be in bed, a man of your age!

(phone)

That icebox, you shouldn't have

given it away for nothing.

- Keep on like that and you're gonna...

- Hey, Jerry!

Are you OK?

Fine. Tried a new bridge, the Queensboro.

- Gittel, I walked out on ya.

- Yeah, I noticed.

- Why change your ironclad rule?

- Huh?

Oh, I couldn't resist your dopey hat.

Sure it was just that and not charity?

I was smothered in charity once,

but not again.

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