Tube Tales

Synopsis: Collective film comprised of nine stories taking place in and around underground transportation in London, all based on true facts submitted by readers of "Time Out" magazine: in "Mr. Cool" (Jenkins) a young female worker is courted by a colleague who travels by subway and an executive with his own car; in "Horny" (Hopkins), a girl gets sexually aroused every time she takes the subterranean; in "Grasshopper" (Huda), youngsters, police inspectors and drug pushers get mixed up in the subway; in "My Father the Liar" (Hoskins), a little boy takes the train with his father and witness an unexpected incident; in "Bone" (McGregor), a musician is in search of his Muse in the train cars; in "Mouth" (Iannucci), an attractive female passenger rides a noisy train compartment, as she gets sick; in "A Bird in the Hand" (Law), an old man experiences a sense of freedom helping a trapped bird; in "Rosebud" (Dellal), a mother desperately looks for her little daughter, while the girl has a good time; and
84 min

Excuse me.

- Hi.

- Hello.

- Are you walking to the tube?

- I get the bus.

- Wrong answer.

- Wrong answer?

Well, yeah, I wanted you to say

that you were walking to the tube.

In an ideal world, you would've said

that you were walking to the tube.

- You see, in my head it begins...

- It begins?

Yeah, with me saying "are you walking

to the tube?", and you, "Yes, I am".

- Then I'd say...

- Emma!

Let me help you with that,

Mr. Kilsen.

Are you going with him?

- Sorry?

- Who is he?

- I think he works in the post room...

- Luke. Call me Luke, Emma.

- Luke.

- So, are you going with him?

He's getting the tube. I get the

bus. I always get the bus.

But you thought about getting

the tube, didn't you?

- I mean, it crossed your mind.

- No. No, never.

- I'm going your way.

- Your keys, sir.

Alone, at last.

- Nice car.

- It 's warm, dry, smooth.

- Lovely.

- I never travel any other way.

This train is not in service.

All change, please.

This train terminates here.

Do you believe you can make things

happen if you want them enough?

- Whereabouts exactly are we going?

- Avalon.

- Avalon?

- Magical island surrounded by mist.

- So you set sail...

- Not knowing where you might end up.

It 's there if you believe

it 's there.

If you believe?

You can't imagine how

I dreamt with this moment.

This is how it begins.




- Emma!

- Mind the doors!

Is it just me or do tube journeys

make you horny? Bollocks!

Don't get me wrong. It 's not like

I'm some kind of raving nympho...

who likes being shunted back and

forth through a long dark tunnel...

to be ejected at the other end

slightly breathless and a bit sticky.


No, it 's not that at all.

It 's the whole trapped thing.

You know, I think...

it brings out the peep-show

devil in you.

F*** it! It 's not as you're ever

gonna see these people again anyway.

Next stop and they're off,

back to their own planets.

Who cares?

Excuse me, I've got to get off.

- Quick!

- I'm sorry.

If you go for it, why not between

Liverpool St. And Tottenham Court?

Sorry, I just couldn't

help myself, could I?

And it was so hot. What was

I supposed to do but blowing?

And blow...

Look at that.

- What an old sucker!

- Shame, shame, shame on him.

What 's that, mummy?

I bet you a five that geezer

has broken his willy!

Don't want to get caught with

this bag of goodies on me, do I?

Play it safe. Better sort

myself out with a ticket.

Where did you get that annual

travel card from, mate?

Hey, get your thieving hands off it.

Give back my card. Give it back.

I f***ing paid for it.

What do you think?

- Should try to buy one yourself.

- I don't need to buy no ticket, man.

Last ticket I had I found. As long

as you've got one, I'm fine.

I'll just squeeze in tight

behind you.

Mo? Where did you get

them jeans, man?

Forget it, man. You won't find these

anywhere. Securicor delivered these.

- Heard of a designer called VEX?

- VEX?

- "Vincento Exclusivo"!

- Who the f*** is that?

He was an Italian butcher, man. Kind

of went beyond animals, understand?

Vincento's dead. Before burying him,

they pulled out his gold teeth...

and turned that gold

into a f***ing label.

There's 3 people in the universe with

these because there was only 3 teeth.

Believe, I'll be wearing that tooth.

They want to put me in the V&A Sta.

What a f***ing tosser!

Get up, man.

- Get up, man!

- Why?

I'm uncomfortable here.

Please, just get up.

Little punks.

What the f***...?

I don't need these idiots

around me. Not today.

Tell you what:
There's no

f***ing around today, mate.

I ain't gonna miss a single hit.

- Who said I hated her?

- You cannot love without hate.

- She's just a friend, man.

- Right. What are you doing?

No slip-ups, no mercy.

I can feel it in my veins.

- Hey, Mazaar! You f***ing bastard!

- Shut your mouth, man.

Bulla, got De Niro's autograph?

You told my girlfriend you'd get it.

What 's the matter, Roy?

You feel ready to take on

my all-time record, huh?

- You watch me.

- Bulla, I'm talking to you, man.

Hey, Bulla, I'm going to f***

someone up today, you know?

Yo, Stevie, what stop?

- Soon, man.

- What?

- Soon.

- Soon what?

- Alright, just keep it together.

- Soon Junction.

Right, next stopeither

they move or I move.

Last weekend, I gave Ryan a green

light and I said: "Listen, Ryan...

call me in 7 days. If you don't,

that light is gonna change color."

This is him:
"Is it gonna change to

amber? I said "Don't even go there!

Amber is for unsure people. I'm

talking from green to red. Stop...

or you'll pay the penalty." Anyway,

7th day came I was at the telephone.

Did he call? No. So I dialed up his

number to find a dead f***ing tone!

I know the bill's been paid cause

I paid it! What are you looking at?


Let 's get out of here, man.

Fool! Listen, Jackie, if I'm lying,

I'm flying. These are the facts.

- Jesus, I can't believe this.

- I know someone who works for BT.

If I want to track him down, trust

me, that 's what I'm going to do...

F*** this. I ain't taking no chances.

Next stop let's get out of here.

She is like "whatever", but he

messed with the wrong"senorita".

- Chods, I ain't telling you sh*t!

- What 's your name?

My name is Tony Montana.

I'm a political refugee.

- I've got all the time in the world.

- Stop that!

Point that to me again, and you'll

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Tube Tales" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 30 May 2024. <>.

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