Top Five Page #6

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It got really bad

when I started guzzling hand sanitizer.

Hand sanitizer?

- Did you ever drink Sterno?

- What the f*** is Sterno?

Yeah, Sterno, you know those little cans

they put at the buffet to keep food warm.

That's some Amy Winehouse sh*t.

Can we get back to this idea that

your sobriety hasn't affected your work?

Did Erica actually get you clean,

as rumor has it?

No, I got myself clean.

You need to stop listening to rumors.

Hammy!

What got you clean, Miss Sterno?

I don't know. My mother. My kid.

Maybe I just got tired of waking up

with strange d*cks in my face.

Too much info. What...

Okay, your turn

Mr. "I Got Myself Clean."

- Rigorous honesty?

- Yes.

You guys rip me apart

every chance you get.

Why should I talk to you?

I've got nothing to do with that.

Yeah, but that's your people.

Look, if you're gonna

just cut my head off

and parade it around the square,

I don't need to help you with that.

I'm not here to hurt you.

I just want a decent story.

You give me a couple

of really great honest things,

stuff you haven't told everybody else,

some real inside stuff,

rigorous honesty stuff,

and I promise you...

I will be more than fair.

- On the record.

- On the record.

Deal.

Nice to meet you, Andre Allen.

I look forward to interviewing you,

Andre Allen.

Okay, let's try this again.

First truthful question.

What was your bottom?

First truthful answer. Houston.

So I get off the plane in Houston.

Now, I'm expecting the comedy club

to send some kid to pick me up.

But I get to the gate

and to my surprise, I'm met by...

Hey, wassup? You came to pick me up?

Yeah, man. Hey, sorry I didn't have

one of them little signs, man.

I'm Jazzy Dee, CEO

at the Code J Enterprises, man.

- Welcome to Houston.

- Thanks a lot.

We promoting your show, man.

You know what I'm saying?

- How was your flight? Good?

- Yeah, it was pretty good.

That's great. Great, man.

You know, tickets are a little slow

'cause of the hair show in town,

but don't worry,

we're gonna have a big walk-up, dawg.

Okay. Okay. So about...

How far is the hotel? I'm starving.

About 45 minute.

Bruce Bruce is already there.

Like I say, this my town.

Anything you need,

you let a brother know.

I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, dawg.

Anything you need, coke, weed, drank.

You know, syrup.

You want some of that syrup?

- No, no, I'm good.

- That's good.

'Cause I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, man.

I'm gonna tell you that right now.

I'm the motherfuckin' man

in Houston, baby!

Hey, you see how I do it, right?

No check-in or nothing.

I just walk through the door,

through the lobby, man.

They just giving me the key.

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