Too Many Husbands Page #5

- Yes.

- Oh, business can wait.

You understand, Hank,

my first night at home in a year?

Why don't you come over for dinner

tomorrow? Good night.

- Hey!

- Henry, why don't you come in, too,

- for a drink?

- Well, I should think so.

Sure, I guess the least I can do is

ask an old friend in for a drink.

I don't know what's come over me.

Come on in, for a minute.

Well, Poppadaddy!

- How are you, Bill?

- Never felt better in my life.

- Well, that's fine.

- You look great. A little older.

- I am older.

- Well, here it is. It sure looks good to me.

My favorite chair.

The piano I was going to learn to play.

Yeah, home sweet home.

- Bill, I...

- Your hat, sir.

- Peter, this is Mr. Cardew.

- Mr. Cardew, sir.

- What happened to Ernest?

- He joined the army.

Well, we'll get along fine, Peter.

Just see that the laundry doesn't starch

my collars, boil my eggs four minutes,

toast dry, coffee black

and don't knock on the bathroom door.

Yes, sir.

Oh, yes, and bring in some ice

and soda and glasses.

Yes, sir.

What's the matter with him? Feebleminded?

- Bill, I...

- Oh, Vicky.

Gosh, it's good to be back.

Sit down, Hank, make yourself at home.

- Bill, dear...

- Say it again.

- Bill, dear...

- Again.

Oh, tell him, Henry, will you, please?

- I'm married.

- Yes!

No! Well, congratulations.

I thought you'd been looking kind of silly.

Married, huh? Who's the girl?

Do I know her?

Very well.

- Bill, Henry is living here.

- With his wife?

- Yes.

- Yes.

You see, it was so lonely here

after you drowned.

- After I drowned?

- Well, after they said you did,

the coast guard and everybody.

It was so lonely.

Well, so long as his wife was here with him.

But now that I'm back, Hank,

naturally, you'll find

an apartment somewhere right away.

- Oh, no.

- No.

- What do you mean, "Oh, no"?

- Bill, I've been trying to tell you

that while you were drowned,

lost at sea, there I was, a widow.

Now remember that,

a widow, a lonely widow.

So...

Well...

Well?

So I married Henry.

You're not frightening me, Bill Cardew.

I'm only her father. Good night.

My best friend.

My own wife.

- But you were dead!

- Oh, was I?

Why isn't there a law in this state

to protect women from vultures like you?

There is. I was supposed to wait five years

because they couldn't locate your body.

I mean, your remains.

But Henry found evidence.

- Found evidence? He made it.

- I did not.

The coast guard made a formal report

that you were drowned.

- Yes.

- It was filed

and accepted in court

that you were legally dead.

- Yes.

- Not only that...

Shut up, you blonde!

Bill... Bill, if Henry and I did wrong

we didn't do it intentionally.

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