Tom and Viv Page #4

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And you can't expect to teach

and give lectures...

...and write book reviews and articles...

...and write your poems

and not get sick, Tom.

Poetry is a mug's game.

Yes?

Yes.

Without a shadow of a doubt.

BOTTLES RATTLING

VIV MOANS:

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO

Hello, Maurice.

I say, I had no idea

philosophers danced like that.

The most hated man in London?

What do you know.

He's been very good to us.

We couldn't have done without him.

I've come to say goodbye, Tom,

just had orders.

- Gallipoli next.

- I envy you.

Yes. Well you did try.

- If they wouldn't have you, well it's their loss.

- Physically unsound.

That's me, Maurice.

Please.

- Cigarette?

- Yes, please.

So, how's the old poetry business?

It isn't a business, it's a mug's game.

In fact, I've been thinking

about getting a regular job.

- Gosh.

- Well it's advisable for a poet to have...

...to, to lead a commonplace life

if he's to do his work.

Yes, yes well...

I must say, I can't quite get used to

having a poet in the family.

- Sort of, married to my own big sis and such.

- Fratris.

- What?

- Brother-in-law.

Ah. Sorry, my Greek's not up to much.

- It's Latin!

- Ah. Squelch.

Listen, Tom...

Man to man...

There isn't anything...

awful between you and Viv, is there?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Well...

I say, good luck with you two.

- It'll all turn out massive fun in the end.

- Massive.

That's the ticket.

Three out of four junior officers

don't come back, Tom.

Say cheerio to Viv for me, will you?

Yes, of course.

Tom, how wonderful you look.

...That the boys are out

upon a holiday

You'll notice half a dozen fellows

when they're on the spree

In half a dozen minutes,

they are full of jollity.

And they all walk

the wibbly wobbly walk

All talk the wibbly wobbly...

MUSIC STOPS:

- Blank!

- Who has the question?

- Blank.

- Ah. - Ah, the bishop.

Approximately how many teeth has a turtle?

- 40?

- Hopelessly wrong!

The Bishop of Oxford is out!

A turtle has approximately no teeth at all,

you're out, out!

Give his bishopric

to someone who knows something!

MUSIC RESUMES:

...All wear

the wibbly wobbly ties

and wink at all the pretty girls

with wibbly wobbly...

MUSIC STOPS:

Who has the question?

- Blank!

- Blank!

Minus 40 degrees Centigrade,

is the same as minus 40 degrees Fahrenheit

True or false?

CROWD MURMURS:

- False!

- True, you're out!

Ignoramus!

MUSIC RESUMES:

...Oh they all smile

the wibbly wobbly smile

When the day is dawning

All through

the wibbly wobbly walk...

MUSIC STOPS:

Blank.

A lady when asked her age

replied she was 35

not counting Saturdays and Sundays.

What was her real age?

I think she was...

- ...60!

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