Toast Page #2
Everything's going to be OK.
Here.
I love a pork pie, me.
Hurry up, Nigel!
Oh, come on, come on!
- Nigel, we haven't even left Wolverhampton yet.
Do we have to go to Penarth?
It's very good for the air.
Just try to enjoy yourself, Nigel.
For your mother's sake.
There's nothing to do in Penarth.
Nonsense.
It's the premier resort
on the Welsh coast.
It could be worse.
They say it's going
to pick up tomorrow.
Oh, struth.
Come on, Nigel. Nigel!
Sit up, Nigel. Tomato, anybody?
You don't have to have salad cream
if you don't want it.
- Do I have to have ham?
Course you bloody well have to have ham!
- You're on holiday.
- Nigel, you like ham.
I know I like ham,
I just don't like the jelly.
- Can't we go and get fish and chips?
- Look, just eat, for God's sake.
For your mother.
Look at that! Absolutely disgusting.
Letting a child run around naked like that.
- I don't see anything wrong with it.
- Don't be stupid, Nigel.
- Loads of people go around naked.
- Don't be ridiculous.
Who have you seen naked?
Josh.
- Josh?
- Oh, my God!
- He was only getting changed.
Has Josh ever...
has he ever touched you?
- Alan, Alan...
- Of course he hasn't.
Just eat your ham, Nigel.
Whee! Whee!
- I'm going to have a word with those parents.
- Alan, calm down.
Oh, for Pete's sake!
Oh, come back here,
you stupid, ignorant boy!
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Mum, can I ask you a question?
You're not pregnant, are you?
What on earth makes you ask that?
You keep doing all
that heavy breathing.
It's my lungs, Nigel.
I'm not going to be very well,
maybe for quite a long time.
But you'll be all right
by Christmas, won't you?
I don't know, Nigel.
to make mince pies, won't you?
- Of course I will.
- Promise?
I promise.
Just because there's something
wrong with her lungs doesn't
mean to say she's not pregnant.
Don't be stupid,
they're for old people.
Anyway, I'm not interested in
your opinion. I'm going to ask Josh
about it.
- How about some Love Hearts?
- Piss off!
They're for girls.
You fancy that gardener,
don't you? What about some
Pascall's oblong fruit bonbons?
Honestly? They'll put
you in a retirement home.
And, no, I don't, I'm just
interested in gardening, that's all.
Are you bollocks.
All you've ever planted
is a row of radishes.
Anyway, re your mum,
the jury's out in my opinion.
We're not getting barley sugars,
Warrel, we're not going in a car.
I'll buy a packet of Refreshers
and a quart of chocolate limes
so we can burn our tongues!
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"Toast" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/toast_21997>.
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