Those People

Synopsis: On Manhattan's gilded Upper East Side, a young gay painter is torn between an obsession with his infamous socialite best friend and a promising new romance with an older foreign concert pianist.
Genre: Drama, Romance
Director(s): Joey Kuhn
Production: Little Big Horn Films
  4 wins & 3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
89 min



I've been thinking a lot,

especially the last few months,

about this-

this book I read in college.

It's this story about a boy.

He's the reclusive son of this

disgraced noble family,

and buys a turtle.

But he thinks that the-

the turtle's shell is too plain,

so he has it covered

with jewels,

diamonds, sapphires, rubies.

And it's- and it's beautiful,

but the weight of

the turtle's shell is so heavy

that it- it kills the turtle...

crushed under the weight

of the ornamentation.

And it's not the turtle's fault.



? I am the very model of

a modern Major-General ?

? I've information vegetable,

animal, and mineral, ?

? I know the

kings of England ?

? and I quote the fights

historical ?

? From Marathon to Waterloo

in order categorical ?

? I'm very well acquainted too,

with matters mathematical, ?

? I understand equations both

the simple and quadratical, ?

? About binomial theorem

I'm teeming with a lot of news ?

? Hmm.

? With many cheerful facts

? about the square

of the hypotenuse ?

? With many cheerful facts

? about the square

of the hypotenuse ?

? With many cheerful facts

? about the square

of the hypotenuse ?

? With many cheerful facts

? about the square

of the hypotenuse ?

? I'm very good at integral

and differential calculus ?

? I know the scientific

names of beings animalculous ?

? In short, in matters

vegetable, animal, and mineral ?

? I am the very model of

a modern Major-General. ?

? I know our mythic history King

Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's ?

? I answer hard acrostics,

(stumbling over words) ?

? I've a pretty taste

for paradox-- ?



[song continues]

I don't even know

why you bother, Charles.

You haven't won

in fifteen years.

That's the Blackworth boy

again, isn't it?

-Well, uh--

-I thought you

were gonna try a self-portrait

this time, Charlie.


Bye, mom.

Love you.

Oh, wait a minute.

Come here, birthday boy.


Okay, I gotta go.


Do you swear

to tell the truth,

the whole truth

and nothing but the truth,

-so help you, Mary?



Ursula, the witness is yours.

Thank you, Your Honor.

The victim was so very young.

So full...

of promise.

Talented painter, loving friend.

Never really had a boyfriend,

but he did have a Jewish stomach

that gave him a lot of problems.

We lost a lot

of good men to IBS.


Thanks, guys.

Poor Charlie's early twenties,

gone too soon.

Well, that's alright, Ursula.

We can't all

be twenty-three forever.



Yeah how many twenty-third

birthdays is that now, Urs?

This many.

Alright, order, order, order-

Wyatt, what are you wearing?

-Yeah, what is this?

-I said formal attire.

I came directly from work,

so I could make

your precious banner.



Almost, Wyatt.

Okay, great.

Let's eat.



Oh, Carmen.

Has the jury come to a verdict?

I have to iron your shirt.

Oh my God, thank you.

I would love

to present the defense.



I think I've heard

everything I need to hear.

Sorry, London.

[clears throat]

The judge and jury

find the defendant,

Charles Kinberg...

[trumpet fanfare]



Of murder in the first degree!

Twenty-six lashings!

Lash him!

Wait, no!


After reviewing the case,

I hereby sentence

Mister Kinberg

to reside here

with me indefinitely.


Are we still playing the game?

You're my best friend,

Charles, and I need you.

I mean, I'm- I'm

here all the time anyway.



I'll think about it.

If you come out tonight.


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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Those People" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 18 Feb. 2020. <>.

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