Thinner Page #3

---

I was worried I might catch

impetigo from him.

Or lice!

- I want you to go off this diet.

- Does it look like I'm on a diet?

When did you stop?

About a week ago.

That's another 25 pounds.

That's over 40 pounds

in two weeks?

Make up your mind.

Do you want me fat or thin?

I just...

I was thinking that sudden weight loss

is an early warning sign of...

- Of what?

- You know what.

Christ! If I gain weight,

I have a heart attack.

If I lose weight,

I have cancer.

I can't win.

I ran into Mike Houston

yesterday.

He wants you

to take a few tests.

All right.

If you don't want to do it for yourself,

and you don't want to do it for me...

will you do it for Linda?

Everything's fine.

- "Fine"?

- Yeah.

Your blood work is five by five.

That's better than mine, in fact.

Let's see, cholesterol

and triglycerides are both down.

You haven't been this healthy since you

banged Mary Lou Singer in high school.

Sangster,

and I never got into her pants.

Mike, are you sure about this?

I weigh 240 pounds. I've lost

the equivalent of a f***ing suitcase.

Look, Billy...

the important thing here

is for you to relax.

Just stop thinking about this.

Your weight will stabilize,

and you'll gain some back.

Believe me,

everything is gonna be all right.

Mr. Halleck!

I see you finally found

a diet that works.

You look wonderful.

Right, and I...

want a whole new wardrobe to go with

my new look, so you might want to...

Well, let's do it!

You're down to a pant 40.

Maybe even 38.

That can't be right.

Do you have a scale?

This diet you're on...

what is it?

I've tried all the others.

I might as well try this one.

I don't think you'd like it, Henry.

In fact,

I don't think you'd like it at all.

- [Billy Grunting]

- [Groaning]

Dad.

Can I ask you a question?

Is there such a thing

as, like, male menopause?

- I mean, hormones that, like...

- What are you trying to say?

I'm worried about you.

What's there to worry about?

I found a diet that works.

Eat all you want

and still lose the weight.

[Laughing]

- What happened?

- I don't know. I must've said something.

Don't. You'll only upset her more.

There.

Billy, will you please slow down?

Why are you eating like that?

I don't know

if it's all in my head.

- Dr. Mikey thinks it is.

- I hate when you call him that.

I do know one thing: I've lost three

pounds a day every day until today.

You're putting weight back on?

That's wonderful.

Today, I skipped lunch.

Instead of being three pounds lighter...

when I got home from the office,

I'm six pounds lighter.

You see, I have to eat like this.

It's a race,

and I'm losing.

- You sound mean, as if it's my fault.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes