There Was a Crooked Man...

Once upon a time,

when rivers ran blue...

... and the air in the valley

was sweet and clean...

Lord, for what we are about to receive...

...make us properly grateful. Amen.

- Amen.

Nothing like fried chicken

while it's still hot and crispy.

The quicker you open that safe

and give us the money...

...the quicker you can get back

to that tasty-looking chicken.

Safe?

You're mistaken, son.

There's no safe in this house.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Wayne, you'd better do like he says.

A man works like a n*gger all his life

to get ahead.

Some bastard just comes along

and takes it from him.

It's just a few pennies I put aside

for a rainy day.

You got enough there for a flood,

Mr. Lomax.

Damn. Must be a million dollars.

Mrs. Lomax.

Saddlebag isn't gonna be big enough.

Well, Hobbs, get something bigger.

It just ain't the same when it gets cold.

Is this all right?

Those were my mother's.

Must have been

a fine figure of a woman.

Don't feel so bad, Mr. Lomax...

...you got rich once, you can do it again.

Think of it as a kind of a challenge.

That's all of it.

I do hate to eat and run like this.

What are you doing here?

Get out there and help.

You ain't gonna get your ass shot off

for no white man's money.

Come on, upsy-daisy, girls.

Come on, girls. Look lively.

Come on, now. Brighten up.

- Why, look who's here.

- Good evening, Goldie.

Oh, you poor man, you're all wet.

- And drunk.

- Well, come on in. You'll catch your death.

I got no business here, Goldie.

Being, as you know, cleaned out.

Oh, honey, we all heard about that.

It's just terrible, just terrible.

I thought if I could just sit down

for a while.

Oh, why, sure.

An old customer like you...

Friday nights just ain't been the same

without you.

All that money.

It's just hell.

Even my poor parrot.

He's gone clean out of his mind

since that night.

Oh, honey, you'll be back on your feet

before long.

Look, I tell you what.

How would you like to go upstairs

and have a look through the peephole?

But... But doesn't that cost

almost as much as...?

We'll put it on the house.

- Evening, Wayne.

- Evening, judge.

You're late. Just missed the fireworks.

By God.

By God!

It's him!

By God, it's him!

It's him!

By God, it's him!

It's him!

It's him!

It's him!

By God, it's him!

Society has got to be protected

against the likes of you.

Paris Pitman Jr., having been

found guilty of armed robbery...

...you're hereby sentenced to 10 years

in the territorial prison.

- This time I caught you, you little bastard!

- This time?

You all through

messing around with my daughter.

I told her what I was gonna do.

By God, this time I'm gonna do it!

Daddy, thank God you came in.

But I just met her tonight. Tell him!

Bull.

It was the Good Friday of 1873.

I was asleep in my sinner's bed.

Not alone, I gotta admit.

And suddenly,

a bolt of lightning struck the air!

And a strange white light filled my room.

And I heard the voice

of our blessed Lord.

And he said:

"Cyrus."

And I said:

"That's me, Lord."

And he said,

"I want you to do my work."

And I fell to my knees and cried:

"What shall I do, Lord?"

And he said:

"From this minute on, you're gonna preach

the gospel of holding out a helping hand...

...to the less fortunate in our midst."

Good people of Deuteronomy...

...how many of you here today

count your blessings...

...because you or your loved ones

are not deprived...

...of two or more of your natural senses?

Dudley.

Dudley!

As you see, poor Dudley

cannot hear a word I say.

He must read my lips.

Dudley, go to the easel.

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