The Wrong Box Page #3

Oh, you insatiable creature!

John, I'm waiting!

You must control this obsession you have

for chambermaids and other girls of that class.

I try. Night and day, I try.

Oh, there you are, boys.

I was just about to take this telegraph

to your uncle.

Telegraph? From whom?

I don't know, Mr Morris.

Private matters are private with me.

I'll take it.

We must relive our madness tonight.

Ten o'clock, under the pier.

I'm coming, Cousin.

- What is it, Cousin?

- Look at that.

We're going to win!

We're going to win!

We're going to win! We're going to win!

We're going to win! We're going to win!

Later. Later. No time for celebration now.

Uncle!

Have you been smoking again, Uncle?

And you're in a draught. The window's open.

Well, shut it, and get his coat and things.

Uncle, dear, you're going out.

Going out? Well, that'll be jolly.

Yes, you're going to London.

London? Yes.

Now, where did I put it? Where is it?

Ah, here it is. Now, London.

Now, if you ascribe a number

to each letter of the alphabet,

beginning with A as one and B as two,

culminating with the letter Z as 26,

then the letters that compose the word London

add up to 74,

which, coincidentally, is my age.

- Lovely, Uncle. Now, read this.

- Yes. Get into your coat.

Why... Why this unseemly haste?

- Your brother is dying.

- What did you say?

What? Masterman? Masterman dying?

This must be the effect of the nutmeg tarts.

Nutmeg tarts!

At Harrow he lived on little else.

- Where are your gloves?

- I don't know.

I have for some time

been compiling exhaustive notes

on the peculiarities

of spices and herbs in common use,

and I have discovered

that it can be authoritatively proved

that the excessive indulgence in nutmeg

leads to hallucination and general debilitation.

Pepper, on the other hand,

in any form or variety, passes through the body

without any effect on the organs.

It has absolutely no value, nutritive or otherwise.

But, in the case of cinnamon or cloves...

- Uncle...

- Yes? You have a question?

Read your paper.

- Tontine!

- Lovely word!

- Tontine!

- A derivation from the name Lorenzo Tonti,

a banker of Neapolitan persuasion.

Read your paper, Uncle.

Morris, have you any idea how much it's worth?

Well over 100,000.

And we've earned every penny of it.

True, Cousin. True.

We've devoted our lives to him.

We were two little orphans.

We waited on him hand and foot.

It wasn't easy, keeping him alive.

Yes, it was difficult.

We kept him from the draughts.

We warmed his shoes before we put them on.

- We tucked him up in bed at night.

- Fed him every sort of tonic.

- Never thinking of ourselves.

- First in our hearts, first in our minds.

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