The Wipers Times Page #4

Excellent work, Sergeant.

When can we roll the pressers?

Soon as it eases off a bit, sir.

Surely you're not

bothered by a spot of rain?

No. It's more the bombardment, sir.

Fritz is getting a bit too close

to the print room to be pleasant.

Well, when Herman knocks off for his

evening sausage let's print

the blighter.

Everything all right? I'm fine,

Sar'nt.

Not you, the print blocks.

Get in there.

Don't get your hand

caught in the plate, Dodd.

Or you'll come a cropper.

A phrase, incidentally,

derived from the printing presses of

HS Cropper.

Do you know that?

That's very interesting, Sar'nt.

As is the phrase "mind your Ps and

Qs".

It comes from a common mistaking of

the P for the Q in a tray of type.

That's even more interesting,

Sar'nt.

Whereas, the expression "get the

wrong end of the stick",

that comes from grabbing the wrong

end of the compositing stick

and getting your hand

covered in ink.

It means thinking you're being

interesting when really... Yes,

Henderson?

Very, very interesting indeed,

Sar'nt.

Correct.

Right, here we go. Grab it, Smith.

There it is, Sar'nt.

Now, the result, if I say it myself,

is a thing of beauty.

Unlike any of you lot.

Oi, Bill, this Wipers Times does what

it says!

Have you seen this poppycock, sir?

Yes, I have.

It's downright insubordination.

That's maybe why the men

seem to like it.

The men also like the ladies of the

Poperinghe Fancies.

Neither are exactly conducive to

winning the war.

Really? Have you seen the ladies

of the Poperinghe Fancies?

Of course not!

I think they're doing their bit.

Jolly, buxom girls.

They can't sing,

they can't dance, but...

no-one seems to care, particularly.

I believe the chaps call them

glycerine and Vaseline.

No idea why. We're getting off the

point here, sir.

Which is surely that some

of the material in this publication

is not merely unsuitable,

it's downright treasonable.

Like what, in particular?

Like this.

Oh. Answers to correspondence.

Whoever wrote this should be

court-martialed.

Like this item advising young

officers not to wear turned-up

slacks or shoes

when going over the top?

What? Lovely, sound advice.

A chap wearing turned-up

slacks on the battlefield not only

looks a bloody fool,

but he advertises the fact he's

an officer to any half-awake sniper.

No, no, no. That is

not the offending article.

I'm referring to this response

to a supposed query from a

junior officer.

"Dear Subaltern.

"No.

"The death penalty is not enforced

"in the case of murdering a senior

officer,

"as you will always be able to claim

extenuating circumstances."

That's a joke.

It's an incitement to mutiny,

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