The Wedding Party

Dearly beloved.

We're gathered here

today to celebrate

the holy union of

Paul and Margene.

In first Corinthians

it's written...

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

and it ain't proud.

It don't dishonor, yo.

And it never looks for itself.

Love doesn't have

anger problems,

and it forgets the bad stuff.

Love is rad, love never fails.

So yo, what's being

said here in the first

shout out to the Corinthians,

is that love is perfect.

And now, Paul and Margene

will declare their love

for each other.

So please, face one another.

Margene, do you take Paul

to be your lawfully

wedded husband?

I do.

And Paul, do you take Margene

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

By the power vested in me

by the state of

Oklahoma, and Jesus...

I now pronounce

you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

I'm presenting

for the first time

as a married couple...

Mr. and Mrs. Paul

Harrison, give it up!

We did it!

I know!

You look a little shell shocked.

Well, I don't know

if you know this

but I just got married.

I know, and it was perfect.

And tonight, everything's

gonna be perfect.

You'll see.

Wife.

Husband.

How hard did you

try to get it off?

You don't understand,

she's gonna kill you

when she finds out,

it's unforgivable!

Whoa, lady!

Chill out, all right?

At least I didn't lose a cake.

It's not lost, it's

just not here yet!

Man, why has it been so long

since we have caught up?

I don't know, it's

probably my fault.

No, no, it is Facebook's fault.

Because instead of

keeping me informed,

it's just curating posts

for my transphobic aunt.

Yeah, when it's not

selling our identities

to corporations.

Right.

In any case, we should catch up.

Well tell me, how's your

life, what's going on?

I mean, a lot, i...

oh, doinked ya!

Okay.

I saw so much talent

walking down the aisle.

We are gonna do

some damage tonight.

Okay, so we have

to get going because

you know our language...

oh yeah, must make

the trains on time.

Remember that, Jim?

Still funny!

Still Jewish!

Skyler has clearly

changed a ton.

Yeah, it's like being

back in high school.

Ow, I can't walk

that fast in these shoes!

Wait, who are they again?

College friends.

Oh yeah, new people, I'm good.

No thanks.

Oh, I feel like we

should get in there.

Yeah, just get ready for a lot

of hopping and giggling.

Game face?

This is it.

That's terrible, that

will convince no one.

There we go.

All right, let's do this.

So much happier.

And he's the one telling

everyone what to do,

and saying that

I'm in hysterics.

Some one needs to slap her,

I would, but I'm a man.

Oh, that's really...

Bethanie, will you slap her?

Okay, now yous are

telling me different things,

what do you want me to do?

Do not slap her!

What the hell's going on?

Greta's freaked out because

the cake's not here yet.

I taste tested over 350 cakes

to find this one, that

is like 18,000 calories.

Also, I have no wedding ring.

And I can't use my pockets

cause there's holes in them.

Why?

Magic tricks.

Right, right.

And because of

Colton's magic tricks

we had to spend forever

trying to pry it off,

which means we have half the

time to finish our reception

and get out of here in time

to make our flight

to Hawaii tonight.

This is one of Greta's

more appropriate freakouts,

I'm just saying.

Hey Paul, why

can't you just miss the flight

because I can't, I can't,

and I won't, I won't,

we won't lose this break.

They won't, this is their

special night, Skyler!

Okay, somebody

please get something

to calm Greta down, please.

Oh, I have Xanax!

Oh god.

I mean, I have Xanax

guys, stop looking at me.

We can't lose Greta,

she's running the

entire reception.

I know, but she's

a friend not a...

I told you, professional

wedding planners

don't usually have

nervous breakdowns.

Greta's usually

a big anal machine

I never thought we'd break her.

Look, if we need

to leave tomorrow

my dad can just...

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I got the tickets, I wanna

do this, we're gonna do this.

Greta's gonna lock

this down, okay?

We will make this right, okay?

Promise.

Hey, Paul.

Yeah?

Small problem.

She took them all.

Hey Greta, how many

pills were in here?

Listen.

This situation is

infinitely more complex

than you realize and I

get more stressed out...

how many?

I don't know, like

seven or eight...

Nice!

So Greta's out.

Alex?

Hi, yeah.

Yes, yes, great idea, and

condense it down to one hour.

No, no, no, no, why

are you picking me?

Why?

Because you were

next in line, honey.

Margene, I don't know

sh*t about weddings.

And it's Greta,

she will be fine,

she'll snap out of it.

Hey Greta, do you

wanna tell them...

everything is ruined,

and I'm gonna die!

Oh f*** me, okay!

You know what, I'd

love to, I'd love to!

Grab her instruction

manual and get started.

Manual, what?

Yeah, it's pretty expensive.

Sh*t.

Hey.

Hey.

Thanks for talking to me before.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Seriously.

I hate asking these things but,

I need you for one more thing.

What's up?

Since you're

great with planning,

and you picked out

great tuxes by the way.

Can you help Alex out?

Why don't you ask your best Mn?

Get it off.

I can't get it off.

Pull harder.

Yeah, I just feel like

you'd be a lot more effective.

Look I cannot miss

this flight, okay?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes