The War of the Roses

Synopsis: The Roses, Barbara and Oliver, live happily as a married couple. Then she starts to wonder what life would be like without Oliver, and likes what she sees. Both want to stay in the house, and so they begin a campaign to force each other to leave. In the middle of the fighting is D'Amato, the divorce lawyer. He gets to see how far both will go to get rid of the other, and boy do they go far..
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Danny DeVito
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
  Nominated for 3 Golden Globes. Another 2 wins & 6 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.8
Metacritic:
79
Rotten Tomatoes:
82%
R
Year:
1989
116 min
278 Views

Do you have some valid reasons

for wanting a divorce?

Excuse me.

My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.

Mm!

In the past five months,...

..I think I've breathed freely,

with both sides working, maybe a week total.

I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.

I hadn't smoked for 13 years.

I kept the last cigarette from my last pack.

I said if I never smoke this One cigarette...

..I'll never smoke again, period.

Here.

I had this little case made for it.

See?

And then, one Thursday afternoon,...

..Barbara came to see me.

And when she left...

you know where I am

if you change your mind.

Barbara and Oliver Rose.

you'd have heard of 'em, except I kept

what happened out of the papers.

I think you should hear the story, though.

It might matter to you.

I won't start the clock yet.

My fee is $450 an hour.

When a man who makes $450 an hour

wants to tell you something for free,...

..you should listen.

They met... Great.

They agreed on that.

But, the way I saw it,

the poor bastards never had a chance.

It was the final day of the season

in Nantucket.

A nor'easter was blowing

the last of the tourists off the island.

The next item up for bid

is an exquisite Japanese carving, circa 1700.

A rare relief of a Shinto goddess,

very richly detailed.

- The intricacies of the Orient...

- $10!

I have $10 from the premature young man

in the grey raincoat.

- Do I hear 15?

- 11.

$11. Ladies and gentlemen,

please, do I hear 15?

- 20.

- $20. I have $20, ladies and gentlemen.

Do I hear 25 for this

exceptionally exotic item?

- $30.

- 31.

$31. All right, I have $31,

ladies and gentlemen. Is this my final offer?

Ladies and gentlemen, 31, going once...

- $40.

- $40! 40. Do I hear 45?

- 50. Five-0.

- $50. I have $50. Do I hear 60?

- $50, going once. Going twice.

Sold... to the pretty lady in the white sweater.

- Do you know how much it's worth?

- Doesn't matter. I'm not selling.

$250.

Well, I guess I have a good eye.

I gotta catch the last ferry.

Wait a minute. Let me carry that for you.

Here. Put this on.

Oh!

- I love the rain.

- God, I love it, too.

I know what you're thinking. Harvard Law,

woo, woo, woo! But I got a scholarship.

I'm not rich or anything. I'm brilliant.

- What about you?

- I'm not rich or brilliant.

- Where are you going to school?

- Madison. I got a scholarship. Gymnastics.

I don't know, though.

My body's getting kinda big.

It looks, uh...

Like a pendulum -

the longer it is, the slower you move.

My vaults and tumbling aren't what

they were. My strength moves are good.

your strength moves?

- I love Nantucket.

Oh! I'm gonna miss the ferry.

- Thanks for walking me. Bye.

- Wait! What's your name?

Barbara!

Barbara!

Wait a second! I've got a great idea!

-

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Never, never, never apologise

for being multiorgasmic.

I honestly didn't know I was.

Oh, bless you!

Bless you.

If we end up together,...

..then this is the most romantic day

of my whole life.

And if we don't,...

..then I'm a complete slut.

This is the story

we're gonna tell our grandchildren.

- Uh-oh.

Uh-oh!

It's the return of the bald avenger.

-

And a happy New Year

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

On Sesame Street

OK, that's the sixth time.

Now turn it off, honey.

Merry Christmas, Bird.

-

- Honey, give me those papers.

- Say please.

- Please.

- No.

- Where are they?

- I don't got.

- Nice try.

- Thanks.

-

Hello! Mom's home!

- Get over here, you squeezy! Squozy!

Ohh, up we go!

Come on, you.

- All right.

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"The War of the Roses" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 21 Aug. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_war_of_the_roses_23058>.

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