The Wackness Page #4
Yeah, your stepdad
paged me.
Dude smokes more weed
than I do, it's pathetic.
- You like him?
- Squires?
Not really.
But you should hear about
some of the crazy people
that come into
that guy's office.
- He tells you about that sh*t?
- Yeah.
But, I mean he's not, like
supposed to tell you, right?
There's confidentiality
and what not?
Whatever. I don't know.
He tells me anyway.
Like there's this one guy he sees,
I'm not kidding, a chronic masturbator.
- Uh...
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
- The guy jerks off seven times a day.
Literally.
And when his nuts are dry,
he just lies in bed
with his hands down his pants,
like, touching himself
and sh*t.
- Jesus Christ, no.
- Oh, it's all right. It's all good.
- Sorry.
- Don't trip.
- Is this yours?
- Uh...
Yeah.
- This is my summer job.
- You sell ices?
No, that's my cover.
For my parents.
Check me out.
Sh*t! That's a lot
of green, man.
- That's how I roll.
- So, you just... How does it work?
Well, I mean...
Can I show you?
Sure. Let me drop
the dog off.
- All right.
- All right. Hang on.
# "Summertime"
by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince #
I'm not going to get
arrested, am I?
Just act calm
and follow my lead,
and everything
will be fine.
Relax.
Here.
# Summertime #
# Here it is, the groove
Slightly transformed #
# Just a bit of a break
from the norm #
- Luke.
- Yo. That's her.
Hi, Luke.
This is Albert.
We just ate
mushrooms.
- So, how much do you all need again?
- We met at a Phish show.
And we saw each other
and it was like that episode of 90210,
when Brandon and Emily Valentine
take ecstasy.
- Euphoria.
- What?
It's called euphoria.
Euphoria.
Euphoria.
Euphoria.
- Did you do something with your hair?
- No.
You look cuter. You look like
Jason Priestley like that.
Yo. There's like
mad cops around, I think.
So, can we do this?
# Time to sit back and unwind #
# School is out
and it's a sort of a buzz #
# But back then
I didn't really know what it was #
Who? Who's the girl?
Is she a cop?
No, this is my friend
Stephanie.
- Stephanie, this is Elanor.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Come on in.
She's hot.
I'm sorry about the cop stuff.
I just...
You know, with Giuliani and the stories
you hear, you can't be too careful.
So I had to do this
today, though,
because I have this guy
coming into town tomorrow
and we don't have anything
to talk about unless we're stoned.
But if we're stoned,
in bed he's like...
He's a really nice guy.
Luke, can I ask you something?
Just for a sec.
Why are men
so complicated?
Is it because
I'm intimidating?
Am I intimidating because
I play an instrument?
No.
- You play an instrument?
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"The Wackness" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 15 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_wackness_22972>.
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