The Ugly Dachshund

[Fanfare plays]

[Up-tempo music plays]

[Rooster crows]

7-8-9, uh... 7-8-9...

Fran, I'm calling the doctor.

Everything all right?

FRAN:
Yes, dear,

but we'd better hurry.

Yeah, all right, honey,

just remain calm.

DR. PRUITT:
Hello?

- Hello? Yeah, Doc...

- Hello? Who's calling?

Hang on just one second.

DR. PRUITT:

Hello? Hello? Who is this?

Doc, it's Mark Garrison.

- I hate to wake you up but...

- Is she feeling any pain?

Yeah, it's starting. She thinks

it'll be pretty soon now.

DR. PRUITT:
I think

you'd better get over here.

We're on our way, Doc.

Thanks.

DR. PRUITT:
Bye, Mark.

Hey, honey,

I got Doc Pruitt.

I'm gonna bring the car

around front.

FRAN:
All right, dear.

Morning, Mr. Garrison.

You're up pretty...

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

...early.

[Tires squeal]

Take it easy, now...

steady.

I'll get the door for you,

Mr. Garrison.

No, I got it.

So this is the morning,

huh, Mrs. Garrison?

Don't worry about a thing,

Mrs. Garrison.

Just let me know when

you want to hike your order.

[Tires squealing]

You're not worried,

are you, honey?

No, but I wish

we were there.

Yeah...

[Engine revs]

Only a couple minutes

more now, honey.

[Siren wails]

Oh, boy.

That's just great.

Mark, we can't stop now.

Yeah...

The hospital!

[Siren wails]

Well, now,

that's what I call service.

[Tires squeal]

Okay, on the ball!

We got a special delivery.

All right, let's get going!

Come on, go get a stretcher.

Well, how do you like that?

[Engine revs]

Be careful, sweetheart.

All right, what's the big i...

Oh, Officer,

I can't thank you enough.

We never would have made it

in time without you.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Officer.

Oh, Dr. Pruitt!

Now, now, everything's

going to be all right.

Don't worry. I'll take her.

[Door closes]

- A dog?

- [Whistles]

Well, yeah. Yeah.

I thought you knew, Officer.

You see, this is the first time

my wife's had pups.

I mean, the dog has had pups,

and I... she gets...

[Both laugh]

- Well, how do you like that?

- Yeah, yeah.

[Laughter continues]

Boy, wait till the boys hear

about this one.

[Laughing]

A dog. [Laughs]

I certainly appreciate

everything you've done, Officer.

My wife was pretty nervous.

You know how women get

at a time like this.

Yeah, don't they always?

Yeah. Couldn't see it myself...

coming to the hospital and all.

Way I remember it,

dogs were, uh...

they had their puppies

at home in a...

in a basket or a closet.

Yeah, mine had hers

in a bureau drawer...

right in my shirts.

- Is that a fact? [Chuckles]

- Yeah.

How about that?

Thanks for your trouble,

Officer.

No trouble at all.

Now, just a minute here, now.

Let's see what we got here.

We got 60 in a 35...

- Now, wait a minute, I don't...

...crossing a center line...

- I followed it around, honest.

...running a boulevard stop...

I did stop! I did, I did!

No, sir, you only slowed down.

We got doing 50 miles an hour

in a hospital zone.

Well, I'm sure I wasn't doing

any more than, uh, 40.

- 40?

- Yeah.

Okay.

40 miles per hour

in a 25-mile zone.

Do you have

a driver's license, sir?

- Oh...

- [Laughs]

- Left it home.

- Yeah.

It's understandable

in an emergency like this.

By golly, a fellow

gets up in the morning,

puts the first clothes on he can

find, never checks his pockets.

- [Laughs] Happens every time.

- Mm-hmm.

No operator's license.

This your car, sir?

Well, of course it's my car.

What's your name, sir?

Mark Garrison.

Your address?

336 North Bowling Green Drive.

- Your business address?

- The same.

I work at home.

I'm an artist.

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