The Thrill of It All Page #5

in the area? '

- 'No.'

- Is that Mommy?

No, Mommy doesn't have black hair.

'You are a very obstinate, proud people.

'But we have ways to make you remember.'

You are completely innocent,

aren't you? Know absolutely nothing.

Oop!

Very well.

We have ways of making you remember

these little unimportant details.

Ways you will not forget.

All right, guard, take them away.

Ah, the young girl, let her stay.

Maybe, mademoiselle, you would care

for a glass of wine?

It is an excellent wine.

Perhaps I will take the wine.

Ah, that is better.

Ah, yes, Frulein, you will learn,

as, uh, your people will have to,

that if they want to, uh,

fill their stomachs again,

they will have to swallow a little pride

along with the food.

You... Guards!

You... you pig!

And what are you if I am a pig?

You're on.

Oh, hello, I'm Beverly Boyer,

and I'm a pig.

- A pig?

- Pig?

- Pig!

- What did Mommy say?

She said she was a pig.

Move over, move over.

Get over there.

- May I start again, please?

- Go ahead.

Um, hello, um,

my name is Beverly Boyer

and I'm a housewife.

Quiet.

And what I'd like to tell you is, um,

about how Happy soap saved my life.

'Um, last week I was in such a hassle

with my daughter Maggie.

'Uh, um, she wouldn't let me wash her hair

with our regular shampoo.'

And, um, she said that it, um, um,

it smelled like the cracks

in the school yard.

Shh! Shh!

You know how children can get.

And, um, anyway, that afternoon I purchased

several bars of Happy soap.

Pick up the bar.

The other bar.

- And, um...

- Turn it around.

Um, uh...

Uh, um... And she insisted

that I wash her hair with the new soap.

- Not new.

- Oh! No.

Happy soap is not a new soap,

it's um, it's an old soap.

I just had never used it before.

- You have used it.

- I haven't.

I really have not used this soap before.

And anyway, what I want to tell you is

that I did use it to shampoo her hair.

And she loved it.

And she said to me, "Oh, Mommy,

now I smell like my piano teacher."

She did.

And all I want to say is

that the soap worked just fine.

'And it got rid of all the traces

of the mud balls.'

- Mud balls?

- Yeah! Mud balls!

Cut! Cut!

- Bye.

- Smile!

Keep smiling.

Keep smiling. Take it off her.

She's not gonna say anything else.

That'll be four and a quarter, lady.

- Keep the change.

- Oh, thanks.

Listen, lady, I don't know

what he did to ya,

but like I always say, "To err is human,

and to forgive is humaner."

That a way, lady. Forgive and forget.

If you'll forgive, I'll try to forget.

Was it really that bad, sweetheart?

If anybody asks me to go on television

again, I hope you'll...

I will. I'll beat 'em off with my stethoscope.

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