The Sure Thing Page #3

"There were two of the foxiest twins

I had ever seen...

"with long brunette hair,

legs that wouldn't quit...

"and firm tits."

How does that sound?

Change "tits" to "generous scoops

of mouthwatering flesh."

And have them defy gravity.

Is this shirt good?

Yeah. You think they'll know that

"scoops of flesh" means "tits"?

I don't think it sounds specific enough.

Where else are you gonna find

scoops of flesh?

How's this for an opening line:

"Did you know that

Nietzsche died of syphilis?"

- How do you spell "zucchini"?

- Z-u-c-h-i-n-i.

Nietzsche's too obscure.

How about, "Did you know

that Shakespeare died of syphilis?"

She probably knows it isn't true.

I don't know what to say.

It's not what you say that counts,

but how you say it.

- Use sincerity. It's the best technique.

- What?

Come here.

You know, I've never met

anyone like you before.

Usually, when I meet someone new,

I feel awkward and shy.

But with you, it's different.

I can talk to you.

You know what I'm thinking, without my

having to explain it to you in fancy terms.

We speak each other's unspoken language...

fluently.

I love you.

That is the most enormous pile of horseshit

I've ever heard in my life.

- Get out of here, you piece of slime.

- No chick would ever buy it.

That's where you're wrong.

It's how I got Lucy.

- lt's horseshit.

- Effective horseshit.

Get a life.

It's true.

It's open.

I'm so far behind, I haven't even picked out

a theme for my English Lit term paper.

Of course I'm still coming out there

for Christmas.

You think I'm gonna leave you alone

with all those UCLA girls?

I just can't afford to fly.

My parents will only pay if I go to see them.

Don't worry. I'll figure something out.

They have this bulletin board

where they list rides.

I really want to see you.

I will send you the article

on civil liability, I promise.

Jason?

Do you ever eat food

that you think is bad for you?

I didn't think so. It's not important.

You tell me first.

I love you, too.

'Bye.

- Who's that, your lawyer?

- Someday.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

"When I recollect

my most truly excellent experience...

"recurrent images buzz through my brain:

"the big bubbles of crust

that expand right up through the sauce...

"glistening pools of oil

as still and inviting as a mountain...

"lake...

"the ropy knots of cheese

that gather to a chewy perfection...

"in the center as the slices are pulled apart."

- lt's good.

- This is all wrong.

There's no punctuation.

It's all one sentence.

- So?

- lt's a mess.

You neglected to mention

the most important thing.

I talk about the cheese-to-sauce ratio

right there.

You didn't state your topic,

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