The Stepford Wives

- Here's Mommy.

- Hi, Mom.

Here we go, far away.

Oh, my. Gonna miss you.

There you are.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Take care, Mrs Eberhart. Be happy.

- Thank you, Charlie.

Come back and see us.

Bye, kids. See you.

Hey.

Let me take that.

Right.

Take care of him, will you?

He's upset.

Now, hang on to him tight

so he doesn't jump out the window.

There you are, Mr Eberhart.

We're gonna miss you.

- Thanks a lot, have a good trip.

- All right.

- Bye.

- All right, bye.

Terrific job you did up there.

I'm sorry,

I thought I checked everything.

- Yeah.

- Daddy?

I just saw a man carrying

a naked lady.

Well, that's why we're moving

to Stepford.

- Come on, Fred.

- Come on, Amy.

Come on, Fred.

Come on, Fred.

You don't even have to lock

the doors in Stepford.

- That's really something, isn't it?

- Yeah.

Mr Eberhart, what's the story

with this piece?

Upstairs, in the main bedroom.

- Upstairs?

- Yeah.

- Terrific.

- Turn around, huh?

This guy's gonna kill us today.

Coffee?

We're not allowed to drink anything

on the job, lady, except beer.

Come on, Freddie, you want

a little water here, huh?

Hi.

I'm Carol Van Sant.

I just thought this might come

in handy. It's a casserole.

That's really very nice of you.

I'm Walter Eberhart.

My wife's just inside.

I know she'd like to talk to you.

Oh, no, I know

how much fun moving is.

Look, if there's anything else you need,

please call.

I just live over there.

Oh, and tell your wife, you keep

that as long as you want.

- Bye now.

- Thank you.

She cooks as good as she looks, Ted.

What do you suppose

the people are like here?

Friendly. That was

a good casserole she cooked.

- Why did we move?

- We both agreed it was best.

I mean, it's best for the kids.

And, well, it's best for you. You know,

I mean, you got more space here.

You can make yourself a darkroom.

It was time to move.

You know, I got a terrific deal

on this house.

And because it's safe, and because

I can warm my ass by a real fire.

Those are all terrific reasons.

You ever make it

in front of a log fire?

- Not with you.

- Well, it comes with the house.

It's part of the deal.

You go sit in those empty seats.

Now, I also do the notes

on "Newcomer's Column"

for The Weekly Chronicle.

You've got the copy

I left in the mailbox?

Yes, thank you.

Then you know my style.

It's mainly for ladies.

So you just go right ahead

and tell me about yourself.

Well, there's nothing much

to tell, really.

- What does your husband do?

- He's a lawyer.

- Lawyer.

- Me,

I'm a sort of hopeful, would-be,

semiprofessional photographer.

What do you think you'll miss

most about New York?

Noise.

Well, I don't know who the guy was,

but I'm assuming it was Mr Van Sant.

- Well, what time was it?

- Midmorning, way before noon.

Well, they sure start early

in Stepford, don't they?

You mean the guy just

walked up behind her,

and he put his hands

on her b*obs?

How did he do it exactly?

Was it like this, or was it like...?

Walter.

- You're getting me all soapy.

- I'm just trying to get the facts straight.

- It's my legal mind.

- Your sexy mind.

Stepford has really done

things to you.

I'd like to christen

every room in the house

before I pay off the mortgage.

- Just finish the dishes first.

- Yeah.

- Tell me about your day.

- Well, I didn't witness

any soft-core porno like you,

so it's dull by comparison.

But, oh, I did meet some

of the other Stepford commuters.

- You want coffee?

- Sanka.

- Oh, I haven't gone shopping yet.

- Oh, regular will be all right.

They seem like

a bright bunch of guys.

I mean, they have

a nice thing going here.

They were telling me

about the Men's Association.

Apparently, it's the thing to join.

It's quite an honour

to be invited to join.

Why is it an honour?

Why is it an honour?

Well, because practically every

important guy in town's a member,

commuters and townies.

I mean, everybody,

the TV executives, the shrinks,

the scientists, the police chief,

the fire chief, the head of the hospital,

the guy who runs the phone company.

So did they ask you?

- Did they ask me?

- Yes, Walter, am I going crazy?

You keep repeating the questions.

Did they ask you?

Well, in a way, yes.

In a way you could refuse,

or in a way you had to accept?

Well, they said I had a good chance

of getting in, which I felt good about.

I have to admit, though, that there's

one rule that I don't much care for,

but apparently, it's gonna be changed

in, oh, six months or something.

Well, what rule is that?

Well, right now

it's strictly men only.

I give up on you.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

Why don't you ever once

just tell me the truth?

You pretend we decide things together,

but it's always you, what you want.

You asked me if I wanted

to move out here,

and I found you'd already been

looking at a house.

You asked me if I liked this place,

and I found you'd already made

a down payment.

Now you're asking me about

the lousy Men's Association,

and it's quite obvious

you've already joined.

Why bother to ask me at all?

I'm gonna put the kids to bed.

Come on, Daddy's waiting.

Yes, you may. Come on, come on.

Ladies, we have specials today

on crenshaw melons,

English walnuts and avocados.

That's in aisle seven.

- How much is it?

- $53.13, please.

Walter, wait, wait.

Walter, have you made it out?

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