The Snare

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1

- Pop that on the side, there.

Who's that?

With Lizzy?

- Carl.

- Huh.

What's he doing here?

- He's her boyfriend.

- My god, you look

just like her.

Time flies, doesn't it?

- Sweetie, how are you?

- Good, thanks.

- Muah.

- New phone?

- Uh huh.

You name it, I've

got everything.

- Sorry ladies.

What are we waiting for?

Hop on board.

- Yes. Muah.

- Come on, then.

Darling, come on over here.

Would you rather have

seven dirty-ass tramps

take dumps in your mouth,

and all they've eaten all day

is spring onions,

boiled ham and raw eggs,

or would you rather

suck off your old man?

And when I say suck him off

I don't mean give him a

quick jerk under the table.

I mean, you'd have to

seduce him, you know,

to the point where

he's grabbing your hair

and forcing your f***ing

face down into his cock

and he thrusts into your throat.

- Take dad.

- What about you?

Would you rather drink a cup

of your nan's period blood

or eat out 90 old sh*t

out of her ass hole?

- I don't really...

- come on, just pick one.

Time's ticking.

Go, what?

- Nan's period blood?

- Bullshit, you've

got to mean it.

- What?

So, you'd mean it, would you?

- Yeah, that's kinda

how it works, hun.

- So, you're honestly telling me

you're a genuine coprophile?

- The f*** is that?

- Someone who gets an erection

when playing with their own poo.

- She hasn't told you, has she?

- Told me what?

- Where we're going.

- Somewhere quite.

By the sea.

- You two go away a lot, then?

To her dad's places?

- No, not really.

- He's got quite

a few, hasn't he?

Her old man.

Properties and that.

- He's an estate agent.

Doesn't actually own them.

- You know her old

man don't know, right?

The keys.

She nicked them.

- I'm just gonna

go and help Lizzy.

- Here we are.

Doors opening.

Here we are.

- Oh, it's old.

Probably just needs...

- nobody touch it.

- Look, it's not that I

have a problem being trapped

with you lovely ladies...

- we're not trapped, Carl.

Look, I think it's just.

Doors opening.

- Yes.

Aw man, place is

gonna be f***ing sick.

- Muah.

- Shot gun, double room.

- All right,

keep your knickers on.

- Carl.

- Piece of sh*t.

- How about a snack?

- What about yours?

How many bars you got?

- Oh, one sec.

I'm sure...

- Carl!

Carl!

- Some of those, please, mate.

- Alice?

Alice, do you want anything?

- Maybe, just some fruit.

- Oh, no.

- Come on, you guys have

seen it all before, right?

You're like sisters.

- I never really got that.

- What?

- Like, in porn.

- Yeah?

- Sisters.

- Guys really dig

that sh*t, right?

- If you're f***ing two

pussies at the same time,

who gives a sh*t?

You know what they say, Liz?

Any hole's a go.

- Man, I'm f***ed.

What's this sh*t?

- Oh, well that's like cheerios,

but not cheerios.

If you get me?

- For f***'s sake!

- Don't look at me.

- Well, somebody's

obviously been here.

- Yes, I can see that.

- Yeah, well who?

You said this place was empty.

- Maybe the caretakers just

locked up for the winter.

- Come on.

- I think you should

call your dad.

Okay, well your brother.

He can look through

your dad's files

and see if there's a

number for the caretaker.

- F***.

- No signal.

- Well try him again, then.

- What about yours?

- It's dead.

- Don't you have a charger?

- No.

What about yours?

What about your f***ing phone?

- I must have left

it in the car.

- Great, f***ing great.

So now what?

Hello?!

Hello?!

Can anyone f***ing hear me?!

Is there anyone f***ing there?!

Hello?!

- It's dead.

- F***.

F***, f***.

- What the f*** are you doing?

- What's it look like?

- Carl, it's not worth it.

- Will you just

shut up for a minute

and let me concentrate?

- It's dangerous.

- I'm just gonna

go down, floor by floor.

- We need to find another way.

- There isn't another way.

This is the way.

- Don't be an idiot.

- F*** off.

- No one's coming.

- You don't know that.

- No one knows we're here.

- Someone's bound to

come by at some point.

When are your parent's back?

- November.

- What? A month?

- It's their silver

wedding anniversary.

- What about you?

- What?

- Your parents?

- What is this, Jeremy Kyle?

- Well, I don't know.

Perhaps they're expecting

a call from you?

- I doubt it.

- When are you next

due to see them?

- I don't f***ing know.

F***ing Christmas.

What about your f***ing family?

- Would anyone

like some more tea?

- This is f***ing awful.

- I told you.

That inbred f***er

had it in for us.

He's probably the one

that locked us up in here.

- You think someone did this?

You think someone's

f***ing with us?

- Well,

the lift, the

door, the landline.

Wouldn't you think

it's a coincidence?

- We haven't seen anyone.

Anywhere.

No one knows we're here.

- You ain't seen no one,

but it doesn't mean that

someone ain't seen us.

That we ain't being watched.

What do you think?

- I just think it's an unfortunate

set of circumstances.

- Bullshit.

- Excuse me?

- You're lying.

- We're in a holiday apartment

that's been locked

up for the winter,

under the assumption

that it was unoccupied.

And if I recall,

we we're supposed to be

here in the first place.

- So you think it's all my

fault that we're stuck in here?

- No, I'm just saying...

- and it's also my fault

that the lift is stuck.

- Enough.

- You're the one

that's blaming me.

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