The Skeleton Twins Page #4

- I love Arches.

- Yeah.

- The Grand Canyon's gotten so commercial.

Arches has retained its essence, you know?

It's just such a very,

very spiritual place.

Arches is rad.

I actually road-tripped it down there

spring break sophomore year.

- It's insane. Unbelievable.

- A toast? A toast? I want to make a toast.

To my beautiful, beautiful children,

and to my lovely son-in-law.

May the light embrace you

with its energy infinite.

May you dwell in a place

of peace and tolerance.

May you live in warmth and understanding

for your days eternal.

- Amen.

- Yeah.

- Cheers.

- Now.

Darling, thank you.

So, when are you gonna

come down and visit us in Sedona?

I guess whenever we're invited.

Oh, my God! You just have to show up.

Just drop in. We don't

like to be scheduled.

- Perfect.

- Great, so how's next week?

Next... That's not gonna

actually be the best week.

Okay, great.

The week after that. We can go then.

Okay, well...

Hey, Mom, how are the alpacas?

We had to get rid of them.

It was just too much poop.

You know what they say,

everybody poops, right?

When I was a kid,

I didn't think that girls pooped.

- Seriously.

- I've never taken a sh*t before.

Milo.

So what about your insight retreats, Mom?

- What about them?

- Do you have one coming up?

Why do you ask?

Oh, I just want to make

sure I don't schedule

the most important event

of my life on the same day.

Okay, just...

You know it broke my heart

to miss the wedding.

Actually, you know,

I don't know that it did.

- You're here now, right?

- Yes, yes. Thank you.

Did everybody hear

how I've never taken a sh*t before?

- Did you guys miss that?

- Yeah.

Why are we talking about

such unpleasant things?

Milo, what's new with you, darling?

I'm gonna go grab the Tabasco.

Anybody like anything?

Everything's great.

- It's good.

- That's terrific.

Everything is terrific.

Now, breathe out.

Yes.

You're cleansed. Open your eyes.

Oh, my God! How do you feel?

Good, yeah. I might be a little drunk.

You look completely different.

Oh, my God! There's just... There's a...

A purity

and a kind of a glow coming off you.

It's emanating from your crown chakra.

Lance, would you like to be cleansed?

I'm okay, thank you.

I took a sauna this morning.

- But I feel good.

- Sweetheart?

Oh, I don't usually drink and cleanse.

Just, like, personal policy.

But thank you.

Okay, I guess I should be heading back.

What, like, back to Arizona?

Well, it's a terrific coincidence.

You know, Maggie,

you asked me about the insight retreat.

Guess where it is this year?

Woodstock. Around the corner.

- Oh, you've gotta be kidding.

- I mean, it's such a...

This just worked out perfectly.

Rate this script:4.5 / 2 votes