The Sessions Page #3

(TAPE RECORDER CLICKS)

I think your tape's run out.

Oh.

Oh.

Do you want to continue?

Uh...

MARK:

That's okay, Carmen.

I think I've actually

got enough to work on.

Thanks.

Well, give me a call if you need anything.

Let me get you Greg's number. He's full of

things you wouldn't believe were possible.

Oral sex is a matter of taste.

And one thing that really works

in my favor...

...is that I smoke so much weed...

...that my taste buds are pretty jaded.

This gives me a great deal of stamina

in the tongue department.

And stamina is key in cunnilingus.

(MEOWS)

Who are these people?

I feel like an anthropologist

interviewing a tribe of headhunters.

(BELL TOLLING)

Hi.

It's good to see you. How are things?

Well...

Sorry.

Things are a little confusing

at the moment.

I would appreciate your advice as a friend,

if you know what I mean.

Sure. And I understand what you mean.

You remember at one point

you suggested I might see a therapist?

Yes.

Well...

...one way or another, it's a long story,

I ended up seeing a therapist.

A particular sort of therapist.

A sex therapist.

(PHONE RINGS)

WOMAN:
Good morning, UC Berkeley.

May I please speak to someone...

...in the Center for Sexuality

and Disability, please?

I'm sorry, sir. The Center for Sexuality

and Disability has been shut down.

Thank God.

Sir?

I'm sorry to have bothered you.

It's no bother.

Oh, sir, before you go,

I can give you a phone number...

...for one of the therapists

who used to work there.

Would you like that?

MARK:
It's not gonna fit.

MAN:
It's fine.

We got you. Everything's just fine.

MARK:
I don't like this. Let's forget it.

Do you want to see this woman or not?

No!

Oops. Too late.

What floor?

Eighteenth floor.

Oh...

So...

...what sort of chance

do you give me?

Of achieving your romantic fantasy?

Very small to minute.

Oh, look, you don't have to pull any

punches. You can be direct with me.

Mark, I'm just a humble sex therapist.

I try to help people with sex problems

that can be addressed.

Your problem, I understand,

is that you've never had sex.

That's correct.

Would I be correct in assuming

you're unable to masturbate?

Correct.

Has anyone done it for you?

No.

Have you ever asked anyone?

Not specifically.

I asked someone to marry me once.

She declined.

Does that come close to masturbation?

You know,

being with the person you love...

...is not the only way

of expressing yourself sexually.

There are people called sex surrogates.

Oh?

My penis speaks to me, Father Brendan.

Sometimes I ejaculate during

a bed bath in front of my attendants.

All I feel is shame and mortification while

other men apparently get pleasure. I...

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