The Scouting Book for Boys Page #2

Be a long conversation that.

He don't like you much.

- I'll be all right.

- No, you won't!

It's sh*t!

It's sh*t for us both. And why?

Because...

Because of my... f***ing mum!

Was sure an alarm was going to go off.

- Yeah.

- Don't say yeah.

Was being a spanner.

She hasn't got an alarm.

- She'll know someone's been in now.

- You think?

Can get you that mag now if you want.

You're being a real wanker tonight.

You're supposed to be my friend!

Not... Captain Sensible!

What? I'm not a captain.

- You're not even upset I'm going.

- 'Course am.

Just f*** off, Captain, would you?

- I'll f*** off, then.

- No. I'm not a captain. Emily!

Is Emily with you?

All right, Steve?

- Do you fancy a slide?

- She's not here, is she?

Is something wrong?

- She didn't come home last night.

- Who, Emily?

Don't get jumpy.

Probably kipped somewhere.

But someone broke into the shop

so Sharon thought

Emily's nicked money and scarpered.

- Oh, right.

- Too right, right.

Come on, kiddo.

I'm taking you to Sharon's.

Come on, David. She's worried.

- Get on the back.

- What?

On the back. On the back!

F***ing wonder about you sometimes.

Was just calling

to see if she was with you.

Yeah. Right. OK. OK.

She weren't with David?

Took some finding him an' all.

She's not round the park.

Right.

She's just trying to piss you off.

She'll be back tomorrow.

- Just got to put it out of your mind.

- Yeah.

Could do some phoning.

For the people who might lie to you.

No, love. Steve's right.

She's just angry with me, isn't she?

Don't take Mystic Meg

to work that one out.

No. cashed up last night, though.

Almost wish hadn't.

- What's she going to do without cash?

- She wouldn't take your money.

No, she'll be back.

Yee-ha!

Ladies and gentlemen, rattle

your bedpans and shake your knickers

- ... for the fantastical...

- Here to see your old dad?

- No.

- Oh?

Ladies and gentlemen...

- Have you found her?

- No.

So you're looking here?

I've not seen her about.

...Am a deeply loving man.

No, just...

just wanted to talk to you.

She'll stay away two nights and

come back, thinking she's got us good.

She'd think one night

weren't trying hard enough.

Silly cow's

just doing it for attention.

Come on, Davey.

Come up on stage and join your old dad.

- Come on.

- Up you go, kiddo.

We were just...

wanted to hang outwith you.

- And do what?

- Have a beer.

David! David!

David! David!

- She'll be back, OK?

- We haven't got all night!

Hurry, lad. Get up there.

Put your hands together and show

a bit of appreciation for my lovely son.

You ladies be careful with him.

They don't call him

Billy the Point for nothing.

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