The Scalphunters

# My mother was a Baptist, boys

# My father was a Jew

# My sister married an orphan

# At the battle of Waterloo

# Don't ever kiss a Hindu, boys

# Unless you are engaged

# True love is never found with girls

# Who dance upon the stage

# Andy Jackson saw a bear

# And chased him up a tree

# A hound dog would have caught the fox

# If he hadn't stopped to...

# My mother was a Baptist, boys

# My father was a Jew

# My sister married an orphan

# At the battle of Waterloo

Hello, Two Crows.

Like hell we will.

Damn your eyes,

I spent all winter getting them furs.

And they're not for trade here.

What the hell do I want with him?

I don't care how you got him.

Wait a minute. I know he's brave as

a buffalo. You don't have to slice him up.

I don't want him.

You're all right, Two Crows.

You ought to be a white man.

You'd be captain of the steamboat

and president of the bank.

Just cos you own this damn country.

What are you standing there for?

Can't you speak English?

- No, sir.

- What do you mean, "No, sir"?

I mean I wish I didn't.

Come over here.

Turn around.

You sure don't look like you're worth

a winter trapping of furs.

No, sir, I'm not.

In fact, sir, I'm not worth anything.

- What's your name?

- Joseph Winfield Lee.

Formerly of the Comanche tribe,

until stolen by the Kiowas.

- You're far from home. You run away?

- As the spirits directed me, sir.

You don't talk like a field slave.

You kill anybody when you ran off?

No, sir. That's contrary to the law.

You think what those Indians did to me

was the law?

- Just cos I'm trespassing?

- No, sir.

Caveat emptor legalis semper.

Let the buyer beware.

- I've heard that said.

- Where'd you learn them wise remarks?

I was privileged to associate with one of

the best-educated families in Louisiana.

- I can read, write and cipher.

- Don't brag on it.

- Pick up that bag. Let's go.

- Where to?

To get my furs back.

Where the hell do you think?

Can I ask you a question, sir? How

do you plan to fight all those Kiowas?

By natural application of superior tactics,

Massachusetts wit, and left-handed skill.

Oh. You're gonna shoot 'em, sir.

Hell, no.

There's a cask of trade rum in that pack.

Them Indians'll have a drunk party

and I'll get back my packhorse and furs.

- What about me, sir?

- I'll sell you to the highest bidder.

Could you make that to a Comanche?

You seem to have a prejudice

against serving the white race.

I don't mean to be narrow in my attitude.

Could I ask you what's your name, sir?

Joe Bass.

Well, Mr Bass, couldn't you kinda

consider me a captured Comanche?

I came on foot as far as the Comanches.

It was my intention

to circle south to Mexico.

The Mexicans have a law against slavery.

And since those Indians captured me from

Indians, I now have full Indian citizenship.

- Joseph Lee, you ever study the law?

- No, sir.

Neither did I. But you ain't got a chance

in hell of calling yourself an Indian.

You're African.

Slave by employment, black by colour.

You ain't gonna walk good enough

to catch them Kiowas.

- I guess I'm a failure as a packhorse, sir.

- A man don't ever say quit, Joseph Lee.

No, sir. He doesn't.

Hand me that bag.

Crab onto her tail.

See the superiority of the white-skinned

race when it comes to walking.

My ancestors were famous as liars,

walkers and patriots. Are you patriotic?

Yes, sir. Fourth of July

I generally set up quite a holler.

Of course, if someone came along now

they might figure you own me.

- You're riding, I'm walking.

- But that's not the case.

In a manner of speaking, you are

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