The Sasquatch Gang

Synopsis: Young fantasy and science fiction aficionado Gavin Gore and his friends stumble onto some huge footprints in the woods. A local cop, reporter, and a renowned Sasquatch authority investigate, while two of Gavin's dim-witted neighbors hatch a scheme to profit from the situation.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Tim Skousen
Production: Screen Media Films
  3 wins.
 
IMDB:
6.3
Metacritic:
57
Rotten Tomatoes:
46%
PG-13
Year:
2006
86 min
Website
102 Views

Getting down

to the concession stand.

Speaking of

the concession stand,

who likes beer?

We've got a special

on blue ribbon down there.

Now, get down there and get it.

All right, now, y'all ready

for the main event?

Listen to them rides revving.

Y'all ready for some

powerhouse crash-up?

Now, on my mark.

Nobody start till I say go.

Whoa, it looks like we've got

an early guy.

Looks like an early birdie.

Hey, Mrs. Gore.

Can Gavin play?

Gavin, Hobie

and Maynard are here.

You're right on time,

gentlemen.

I commend you.

Be careful out there, Gavie.

I put a little perilax

in your Drink.

Mom, I told you,

I'm fine.

I know, dear,

But this will loosen you up

just in case.

Be careful out there, guys.

What's perilax?

It helps you

to get squirty dumplings.

Shut up, Hobie. How do you know?

Do you use it?

I don't know.

Come on, guys.

Let's fight already.

Fine; if you're so ready,

I accept your challenge.

Choose your weapons,

gentlemen.

I choose excalibur.

What?

Since Maynard has chosen

my weapon of choice,

I am forced to use

a secondary weapon.

The mace and dagger.

Where are you going,

the bathroom?

Just setting the mood,

gentlemen,

Setting the mood.

What the crap is this?

Warriors, prepare

to cross swords.

Attack!

Hit.

Warriors ready?

Attack.

That's it.

Gavin, you stupid dingleberry,

what you listening to,

wuss tunes?

Turn it off!

Hit.

Oh, God.

My eye. You--

that's an illegal hit.

You're disqualified.

I win.

That's what you get

for listening

to that fairy music.

Shut up, Zerk.

Yeah, Zerk jerk.

Hey, pipe it, sissy.

And shut that crap off

before I shut you off.

Make us.

Make you?

All right,

why don't we fight for it?

Me against you, Gavin.

No way; I just got hit

in the face.

Oh, you got hit in the face.

Fine, be a little wussbag.

I'll take Andre the nerd

over here then.

Okay, but I have to get

the longsword.

All right, I don't really

give a crap.

Give me

that other long thingy, then.

It's called a spear,

crap face.

I don't care what it's called,

you stupid nerd.

Just give it here.

Come on, Hobie,

stay on the offensive.

You'll be fine, okay?

Come on.

Sparring partners,

prepare to cross swords.

Look at him.

Look at the big nerd

dance around.

Whatever, man.

Let's just fight.

Attack!

Look at him.

What you doing?

Come on, Hobie.

Come on, Hobie.

Little nerd's

cheering him on.

Look at the big man.

Get out of here.

Hey, look at him.

He's like a big old beetle

what's on its back.

Hey, illegal hit.

You're disqualified.

He wins.

Get out of here.

Yeah, Zerk,

poke that piggy.

Hey, you big bully,

quit it!

Face shots are illegal.

How would you like getting hit

in the face?

You better mind

your manners, boy.

Enough.

Save your strength

for the hike

to Deer Cliff Falls

tomorrow, Hobie.

You know how your knees

start aching under your girth.

What's at Deer Cliff Falls?

None of your business.

Yeah, none-ya.

Yeah, right, retards.

Probably looking

for arrowheads or something.

So what if we are?

Shut up, Maynard.

Sorry.

Yeah, well,

there ain't none,

'cause if there was,

I would've found them

When I went looking for them

three months ago.

Maybe you were too ugly

to see them.

Yeah, you're so ugly,

all the arrowheads

ran away and hid.

Whatev, you little dorks.

Can't make this out of foam

and duct tape.

Yeah, Zerk.

Let's just get out of here.

Stupid nerds.

Oh, hello.

I am Dr. Artimus Snodgrass,

and welcome to the world

of the Sasquatch.

Today I will attempt to answer

some of the penetrating

questions we all have

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Tim Skousen

Tim Skousen is an American screenwriter, producer, and director. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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