The Sandlot: Heading Home Page #2

---

always wake someone gently.

- Gently.

- How about seeking medical attention, doofus?

The average ambulance

takes four minutes...

to respond to the scene

of an accident.

Kick in the family jewels,

lot faster.

- We're gonna get this guy help.

- Why are you in charge?

- Yeah, why are you in charge?

- Since when?

- I'm the tallest.

- What's that got to do with anything?

I am the smartest.

I think you mean shortest.

I'm the biggest.

- I think you mean fattest.

- Fattest.

- I say we go with the kick.

- I'm the captain.

- [Boys] What?

- Who made you captain, D. P?

The catcher is always the captain.

- You're not the captain. What about pitcher?

- [Chattering]

- Guys, look. Guys. He's waking up.

- [Groaning]

We could still kick him

before it's too late.

[Boy #2] Ask him a question

that everyone knows.

- See if he's okay.

- Good idea.

Who's the greatest

baseball player of all time?

- I am.

- [All] What?

- [Boy] Who are you?

- Tommy Santorelli.

Well, I don't care if you're Steve Garvey.

The answer is Babe Ruth.

- Hello! The Sultan of Swat.

- The King of Crash.

- The Colossus of Clout.

- The home Run King.

- The Babe.

- [Together] The Great Bambino.

No. It's Santa.

- Santa?

- As in Claus?

- [Groans]

- Can I kick him now?

- Go ahead.

- [Man] Back up, kids!

Clear out!

[Panting]

I'm trained for situations like this.

Now, who started it?

Stand back, boys.

I'm goin' in.

[All Groaning]

[Screaming]

Hey! What's goin' on here?

All right, kids, give him some air.

What happened?

[Boy]

He took a fly ball to the forehead.

- Sorry, Uncle Chops.

- Would have been a triple too...

if he hadn't screwed it up.

- In your dreams, fat ass.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Are we gonna have

a situation here?

'Cause we don't want

a situation, do we? Huh?

- [Boys] No.

- Good. What's your name, kid?

Who you calling kid, tubs?

Is that any way to talk

to an officer of the law?

- Where's my P.D. A?

- Your what?

- My blackberry?

- Hey, that's mine.

And it's not blackberry.

It's strawberry-banana.

- Are you serious? I love strawberry.

- Hey!

He's that new kid

who just moved onto Glenview Road.

What are you talking about?

I live in Beverly Hills.

And what's up with this "kid" crap?

Which one of you jacked my phone?

I gotta call my agent.

Don't even think about autographs.

[Boy] Why would we want

your autograph, loser?

Bicentennial?

What's goin' on?

Yeah. We got a situation.

- % % [Woman Singing Lullaby]

- [Moans]

% % [humming]

Where am I?

You're home, sweetheart.

No, I can't be.

I must be dreaming.

Just relax.

You'll feel better in the morning.

Mom.

- It's really good to see you again.

Rate this script:4.3 / 7 votes