The Road to Wellville Page #4

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that I'm hallucinating.

Just kneel in the bath, please,

Mr. Lightbody.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Ever since I got here, I keep seeing...

I came here with my wife, you know.

Oh, yes, I know.

She's on the second floor, room 212.

She won't be staying here?

Oh, no. All couples are

kept separate here, Mr. Lightbody.

- They are?

- Of course.

Our patients need complete rest.

Any sexual stimulation could be fatal.

Now, I want you to relax.

- What is that?

- This... is a colonic wash.

It is hot paraffin,

soap and tepid water.

Now, bend over a little bit please.

There. Just relax, Mr. Lightbody...

and we will purge you

of all that ails you.

Oh, but I don't even eat meat.

Not anymore, anyway.

Just relax. It'll all be over

in a second.

No, l... Honestly, lately it's just

beet tops and savory broth.

Your intestines are probably putrid

with disease and germs.

Nurse Graves...

I have to confess to you

that I'm very sexually stimulated.

I think that I have an erection.

Clean thoughts make for clean bowels,

Mr. Lightbody.

Please, just try and think of me

as one of nature's nuns...

here at the temple of health.

One card, my dear sir.

Is your wife still available?

It's room 25, sir.

Ah, Charles! You made it!

So sorry I couldn't be there

to meet you.

But I was busy cultivating

the garden of business.

These gentlemen behind me

are the very princes of this town.

Pillars. Important people.

How are your lodgings?

Disgusting. Why didn't you

put me up here?

Tut, tut, Charles.

We're on a budget.

We can't throw your good aunt's money

around now, can we?

- But you're staying here!

- Show, Charles. All show.

For the gentlemen at the table.

Did you bring Mrs. Hookstratten's check?

Yes, and she's very anxious to hear

about the factory site you've acquired.

- Ah, the factory.

- And the ovens.

Ah, the ovens. There's been

a slight hiccup. There are no ovens.

But you wrote that the Vita-Malta flake

factory came with ovens.

There are no ovens, because,

alas, there is no factory.

There's no factory?

Bender, in your letter...

Goodloe. Charles, please.

Call me Goodloe.

We are partners, after all.

Would you like a brandy?

I don't want a brandy!

I want an explanation!

It's true, I almost had a factory.

But the thief I was dealing with

wanted rather too much for the lease...

and I lacked the necessary spondulicks.

- Spondulicks?

- Capital, Charles.

Money. As in "running short of."

Do you mean that you have spent

the whole of the start-up money already?

Please, please. Not in front of company.

Step into my office.

I know you're probably tired

after the trip.

And it might seem that I'm living it up

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