
The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer
- R
- Year:
- 1970
- 100 min
- 82 Views
(# INTRO TO MAIN THEME BEGINS QUIETLY)
(INTRO FADES)
I'd like to see the managing director
please. Buffery's the name.
Just one moment...
(CLICKS INTERCOM SWITCH)
Mr Ferret?
(FERRET) (OVER INTERCOM)
With cream, please.
No, Mr Ferret.
But I always have cream.
And sugar.
There's a Mr Buffery to see you.
Oh. Send him up, please.
Third floor, please.
Yes?
Yes.
(# MAIN 'RIMMER' THEME)
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
(DOOR OPENS)
Mr Ferret?
Oooh!
(CHAIR SMASHES)
Just popped in to cancel our contract.
Good morning. You all right?
Mr, er...
- Rimmer, sir. 'Co-ordination'.
- Ah, yes.
Keep it up. Vital work.
Thank you.
'Co-ordination'?
I'll read those figures back again.
That's, er...
two pounds to win on 'Lively Lady'
and, er... a fiver on 'The Groper'.
- Ah.
- It's Mr Federmann, isn't it?
That's right. Yes.
Thank you.
(RIMMER) Mr Pumer?
Yes.
- Who are you?
- Rimmer. 'Co-ordination'.
- Ah.
Hello again, Mr Federmann.
Ah, hello.
(TOILET FLUSHES AFTER SEVERAL ATTEMPTS)
Ah, well. Back to the grindstone.
(RIMMER) It's, er Mr, er...?
- Crodder.
(RIMMER) ...Crodder.
(EMPHATICALLY) Crodder!
Is nothing sacred?
(CRODDER) Extraordinary thing
just happened in the toilet.
I was just going in and there's
a fellow there with a stop-watch.
That's Mr Rimmer. 'Co-ordination'.
Is he one of those ghastly
time-and-motion people?
I think he's working
for Mr Fairburn himself.
- Hello.
- Oh, morning.
- Can't hang about. Lots to do.
- Of course.
(TANYA) Mr Fromage and
Mr Waring, Mr Ferret.
Ah.
(FERRET) Good morning...
Well, you've come about
the advertising, I suppose?
Just over six months ago you undertook
our new advertising campaign.
We heard from you for
the first time yesterday.
You sent us some slogans
for advertising our dog food.
Good.
We don't make dog food, Mr Ferret.
(EMPHATICALLY) We... make... humbugs.
Oh.
And you're not thinking of
branching out into dog foods?
No.
(WITH MOUNTING ANGER) And if we were,
we would want something
more original than Woof makes
doggies bounce with health!
(RIMMER) We are working on a new
presentation concept, Mr Waring.
Mr Ferret will have it ready next week.
One week it is.
Make a note of that, Tanya.
(# TANGO 'LA CUMPARSITA'
FROM RECORD PLAYER)
(STOP-WATCH CLICKS)
(PUMER) Tango...
- Ah, yes.
My wife and I have been selected
for the South-East.
Congratulations!
Thank you.
I practise in the coffee-break.
Of course.
I don't have coffee...
Good Lord!
Well, coffee-break over.
(RIMMER) Thank you.
- Fine.
(FERRET) Thank you, Tanya.
That will be all for now... I'm afraid.
All right, Mr Ferret.
(RIMMER) If it's alright by you, sir,
I'll take over the office next door.
Oh, good. Yes.
Look, I tell you what
why don't you take it over?
Thank you.
Well, must be off.
- Time waits for no man.
- Yes.
(FERRET) What have you done
to my water, Tanya?
(TANYA) The water board
have cut it off, sir.
(FERRET) Whatever did we do to them?
(TANYA) We never paid them, sir.
(FERRET) Money, money, money.
Whatever's the world coming to?
See you in the pub, later.
(PUMER) 'Night, Mr Ferret.
- Goodnight.
(TANYA) 'Night, Mr Ferret.
- Goodnight.
(FERRET) They'll be cutting off
the electricity next.
(FERRET GASPS
(RIMMER) Hello.
(FERRET) Oh, Mr Rimmer.
I was just conducting
a little experiment.
On the effect on office efficiency
of total darkness.
(RIMMER) Oh, yes.
I shouldn't bother to tell Mr Fairburn.
He's a little out of touch
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Citation
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"The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 25 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_rise_and_rise_of_michael_rimmer_16979>.