The Riot Club Page #2

- Eton.

Oh, oh my God, oh my God!

Um, OK, how do you make an Eton Mess?

Tell him he only got into Bristol.

My best friend's at Bristol.

It's a very good university.

Hmm.

Uh, so I've... OK.

- Anyway, why didn't you get a Lamborghini?

- I'm not...

Mate, he's Greek,

he's doing austerity measures.

- This is a beautiful British car.

- Poop poop!

OK, guys, so we got Club dinner coming up.

- Kidney, Leighton?

- No, thanks.

Um, and as you know, I'm working on a venue

that can meet our special requirements.

Somewhere we haven't

already been banned from.

Obviously, yeah, but I need you

guys to get on with...

- Chaps, squid?

- Here you go!

- Mate, that's f***ing rank.

- It's delicious.

So Ed got totally rinsed.

- Guys, this is important.

- What am I doing wrong?

Been on a hosepipe ban all summer.

Maybe if you didn't shark them together

like a couple of schweffes.

I haven't had so little sex

since boarding school.

You had more sex at boarding school.

OK, hands up, who did f***-all work

over the vac?

Tubes, you worked?

F***ing jurisprudence essay,

Dad breathing down my neck.

If I don't get a 2:1...

- Ooh!

- Harsh.

Touch.

Chaps, this is a meeting.

Are we having elections next term?

For the presidency?

Bell-end, you want to be President?

Come on, I'd be awesome.

You'd be gash.

If we don't get any new members,

won't be anything to be President of.

With Sebbers and Gooder leaving last term,

we're down to eight.

Don't we have to have 10?

Hence the meeting.

Operation Grasshopper. OK. So,

does anyone have any nominations?

The dinner's closer than you think, guys.

We've got to start initiations, yeah?

May I say this is an opportunity to reconsider

the sort of person we're approaching,

really make sure they're

the best and the brightest?

- You mean the prettiest.

- I meant fine minds.

- Kidney, Hugo?

- You see?

Oh, my God, that one last year.

- Gay Harry Potter.

- Yeah.

Harry Potter is gay.

He's clearly porking Weasley.

Guys! Are we seriously going to be

the only year that couldn't get 10 members?

We're going down in history for that?

Did they go to a good school?

Eton, St Paul's, Westminster,

Harrow, if you have to.

And when push comes to shove,

do they have it in them

to be a f***ing legend?

You'll know it when you see it.

Who's gonna get it?

Come on, come on!

Don't scream, don't look at me.

Put in the PIN number and take out 200.

Come on, put in the f***in' PIN number!

It's actually just "PIN".

What?

The N stands for number,

it's Personal Identification Number.

So, if you say "PIN number",

you're saying "number" twice.

You're saying "Personal Identification

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