The Ranch

Synopsis: A professional bordello in Nevada, where prostitution is somewhat legal, the sex workers employed there and the clients that frequent it.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Susan Seidelman
Production: MGM Home Entertainment
90 min

I hear her.


-Nice going, ace.

-It sounded like her walk.

-What's this horror show?

-It's a bridal shower for Shayna.

-You can get in on it if you want to.

-Yeah, right.

Yetta, any chicken left from last night?

I'll make you a sandwich.

Make it to go.

Is Shayna coming or what?

I'm going to be back in Nevada in three

or four weeks for that electronics show.

I want to see you again.

I'm not going to be here.

Today's my last day.

You going to the BunnyRanch

or something?

No, I'm retiring.


There you go, man.

Listen, the next time you come back here

to party...

ask for Kim or Taylor,

and they'll take great care of you.

Why don't you go check out

one of our souvenir T-shirts?

-Okay, maybe I will.

-Take care of yourself.

You, too.



Kim's been looking for you.

-She in her room?

-Kitchen, I think.


Now, that's nice.

-Hey, guys.


-Oh, shoot!

-What's going on?



Over there. Pull down that screen.


You can keep looking, you ain't gonna find

buried treasure down there.

Are you sure we haven't met before?

You look so darn familiar.

I'm sure.

Coming back from a break?


Just starting, then?

If you need someone to practice on....

I crack myself up.

Just dry a few minutes.

Now. What do you say?

Cotton Candy or Red Vine Red?

-Do you have clear?


Clear? Whose kid are you?

Red is bold, babycakes.

It says "Look here." And we'll match.

-Daddy will hate it.

-Even better.


She doesn't like it

when I antagonize her father.

Especially since he's recovering

from a very delicate operation.


They tried to remove the stick up his ass

but they couldn't get it out.

I'm gonna go wait in the car.

-Where do you think you're going?

-Away from you.

Chelsea, it was a joke.

You say mean stuff about him,

and in an hour you're gonna drop me off...

and I have to live there

for the next three weeks.

I know. I'm sorry. Please, just....

I promise I'll behave. Come on.

Look, you get whatever color you want.

You want clear, that's fine. It's great.

Red, please.

Other David thought

you girls might need refills.


No, Mary, wait. Stay.

Have a piece of cake. Yetta?

-Coming right up.

-Okay, thanks.

And, you guys, thank you so much.

This was so sweet.

I'm sorry I can't invite everyone

to the wedding...

but we kept the guest list really tiny.

Actually, I wanted to elope,

but Evan's really close with his family.

So basically, anybody who's related

to Mr. Wonderful...

people you probably don't even know,

"Hey, right this way."

But us, who you worked with

for how many years?

"No, I'm getting married, I'm not going to be

a hooker anymore, forget them."

Em, shut up.

So, how did you two meet, you know,

you and Evan?

-Right, you weren't here yet, were you?


Actually, it was at the x-ray machine

at the Reno airport.

I was going to San Diego on my week off,

and he was going home to Detroit.

I told him I was a stewardess.

Flight attendant.

And he still thinks that.

Three weeks on, one week off.

Company, girls.

-Bye, Shayna.


Come on. One last lineup for the road?


I'll miss you.

Hi, welcome to the Diamond Ranch.

We've some beautiful girls for you today.

Come on in.

Right this way.

Why don't you sit down on the couch?



I'm Janey.


Rickie Lee.

Hi, I'm Lavender Rose.


Her. I'll take her.

All right, then. Rickie Lee. Thank you, girls.

Hey, daddy. Let's party.

Another satisfied pedophile.

I'm so excited you picked me.


-Keep the change.

-Thank you.

-You want me to help you in?

-I got it.

Are you sure I don't know you?

You don't.

Hi. Can I help you?

I don't know. Can you?

-Hi, Dad.

-Hey, sweetie.

I thought you were bringing her home

before lunch.

It's my fault. I lost track of time.

For someone who gets paid by the hour,

you'd think you'd be more attuned to that.

Come here, you.

I will talk to you later.

You have fun at the party tomorrow.

Wish Elizabeth happy birthday for me.

I will. Love you.

Love you more.

Wait a sec.

Go on inside.

Yeah, the nails? That was me, too.

What's next, a G-string?

Do you want to know

the smartest thing I ever did?

Not marry you.

I forgot.

I don't need it.

Fortune magazine said house painters

are in the top two percentile of earnings.

Were you always such a witch

or is this new?

It's child support. Just take it.

I'd just as soon not go to Macy's,

buy her a coat...

pay for it with the money you made

giving some loser a good time.

Do you not understand that what I do

I do for her?


I want our kid to have every single thing

I didn't have.

I want her to have a new coat every year...

and piano lessons, and I don't know,

a freaking horse if she wants one.

When it comes to college,

I want to be able to say:

"Here, baby girl,

you go wherever you want."

You know what?

Let her go to community college...

and have a mother who's a mother,

not a prostitute.

You are such a clueless blowhard.

Nice car. Is it new?

Who'd you say you're in this for?

"Cookies and milk."

"All day sucker." What's that?


So, what do you feel like?

Is $150....

Is that about right?

Is that all you think I'm worth?

So that's Velvet....

Knight, with a "k."

You know, I had a cat named Velvet once.

Lady, whose kitty are we talking about,

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Lisa Melamed

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "The Ranch" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Apr. 2024. <>.

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