The Pretty One

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Okay, are you ready?

Yeah. I'm ready.

I can't believe I'm gonna

do it with my babysitter.

Ex-babysitter. Hunter, can you

not bring that up right now?

- Sorry, sorry.

- It's okay.

I think I popped your cherry on

Tuesday, so it shouldn't hurt too bad.

Oh, okay, good.

Are you okay?

Keep going.

Those are all Audrey's.

It's a lot.

That's mine.

That's cool.

Audrey lost it when

we were only like 15.

She snuck in one night,

wasted on Zima...

and was all like, "I just lost it while

we listened to 'Kiss From a Rose.'"

I gotta jet.

Trig quiz first period.

Things aren't gonna

be weird now, right?

No. I don't know.

Okay. Yeah.

So are we like boyfriend

and girlfriend now or...?

You are so funny.

Happy birthday.

Pop.

- Happy birthday, porcupine.

- Thank you, Daddy.

You wanna fix that mouth.

It's too...

happy.

I put the cake in the kitchen. Need some

hands getting the booze out the car.

Let me take a look at you.

Give me a little something.

Oh, and happy birthday, you.

I've got a present for you.

I'm gonna take you to see

Rhonda at the salon.

Take a yard or two off that hair, little

lipstick, you'll look just like Audrey.

We are identical twins, May.

Oh, I know, honey, but it's the details that

matter when it comes to roping in a fella.

Happy birthday, LaLu.

- Hey, Dad.

- Audrey.

Anyway.

You want your present?

- "Audrey."

- So you'll always have me with you.

Come here.

Happy birthday.

A dollhouse?

No, look inside.

- What is it?

- Hang on a second.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe it. Look at us.

This is so brilliant.

Just like you.

It's so you can always feel

at home whenever you're away.

Laurel, I love it.

So how does it feel being

all grown up, ladies?

Oh, it's great.

Nobody really takes you

seriously in your early 20s.

- It's much better for business.

- What sort of business?

I work at a boutique real-estate company

that specializes in storybook homes.

Come again?

Houses that look like hobbit

holes or witches' dens or...

People sure do like to

play pretend, I guess.

What are you up to, Laurel?

Still helping our dad with

those forgeries he makes.

They're not forgeries,

they're copies.

Oh, right. No, copies.

Yes, I'm sorry.

Laurel's an amazing painter.

I just finished a

cross-stitch of my Canoodle.

- I'll have to bring it by before you leave.

- Yes, sure. That'll be great.

Bye.

- Happy birthday, ladies.

- Thank you.

- Hunter.

- Hunter.

Yeah. Are you a model now?

No.

You could easily be a model.

Hunter, can I speak with you

for a moment in the kitchen?

Yeah, sure. After you.

Nice seeing you again.

What is wrong, babe?

Please don't look at my sister

like you wanna lick her face.

Babe, Laurel.

You know I only have eyes for you.

Stop. Stop. You know

this isn't right...

Hunter! What are you doing?

That's your babysitter.

Sorry, everybody, party's over.

Laurel!

Will you come down here, please?

I just didn't wanna be

a virgin forever...

waiting for some fairy-tale

guy who doesn't exist.

You need to get out of this place.

You're screwing a minor...

and you act like Dad's wife, Laurel.

It's f***ed.

Hunter is almost 18. And I

don't act like Dad's wife.

You cook for him,

you clean for him.

And you wear all of our

dead mother's old clothes.

I mean, do you even have

a dress of your own?

Wearing her clothes makes me

feel like she's still around.

- You've held on long enough, Laurel.

- Well, after Mom died, you just left.

Somebody had to take

care of everything.

Laurel, Dad is a grown man.

He doesn't need you.

He can't even get ice

cubes out of the trays.

I'm really sorry for

ruining our birthday.

I don't care about our birthday.

I care about you.

You deserve better than this.

I want you to move in with me.

Really?

But he'll never let me go.

I'm taking Laurel to

live with me, Dad.

Okay.

Good talk.

I don't see the point in going with you.

My loser-ness is just...

too painfully obvious

when I'm with you.

Listen...

we have the same DNA, Laurel.

And despite the story

you've made up about me...

- ...I don't have everything figured out.

- Yeah, right.

You'll see.

But what would I do?

Paint.

Dad's always fixing

my work, I can't.

You're coming home with me...

you're gonna do your own

painting, and that is that.

But you cannot come home with me...

with all of this coming

out of your head.

- My hair?

- Yeah.

Makeover.

Who is Charles?

No one.

You didn't tell me you

were dating someone.

I don't wanna talk about it.

- Fire drill!

- No.

Come on, don't be such an old lady!

Laurel, you're gonna

miss your appointment.

No.

- I am going to go buy you a dress.

- Okay.

So did you bring a

picture or something?

Well, what do you wanna look like?

Her, I guess?

Okay, we'll give it a try.

Laurel, they had pretty

slim pickings, but...

Wait, are you guys twins?

I like the dress so much,

it's really sweet.

Look, I thought you wanted

me to be more like you.

I want you to be like you, Laurel.

Like you.

I mean, I figured it looks good on you,

so it's gonna look all right on me.

Dad is gonna freak out when

he sees you like that.

I know, we haven't had the same

haircut since before Mom died.

Seriously, I'm so glad no one

is around when we do that.

So do I get to meet your boyfriend?

- Fire drill!

- Hey, hey, no fair.

Don't change the subject.

- Hey, seat belts.

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