The Pirates of Somalia Page #3

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but I can't--I just--you know,

I haven't taken a--

I never took a class,

but I'm seriously--I'm thinking

about going back

to get a degree.

Harvard is the--is the goal.

- Oh, how can you say

something stupid like that?

- What--

- Why do you think journalism

is a pile of "People" magazine,

"She got cellulite on her

Dumpster" crap right now?

Journalism isn't taught.

It's innate.

You know what I'm saying?

You think the shrapnel

in my back landed there

because I was using my head?

No way.

- So what are you saying?

- I'm saying f*** Harvard,

is what I'm saying.

F*** Harvard.

You want to make it as some big

swinging dick journalist?

You got to go somewhere

f***ing crazy.

- Somewhere where Western

reporters would consider

it too dangerous to go,

like, write as a stringer

from there, get a book going.

It's the only way out.

- Yeah, that makes sense, man.

That makes sense.

Where you thinking of going?

- Somalia.

Hmm?

- Like, I--I bought a--

an umbrella from a Somali once.

- What does that mean?

- That means where's

the f***ing conflict,

besides the fact that they

machete reporters to death?

- In Somalia the seeds

of democracy

are growing amidst anarchy.

I did a paper on it

my freshman year.

- So?

- So it's a misunderstood

place.

- Bro, democracy is not topical,

all right?

No--nobody wants

to understand Somalia.

- Did you know in Somaliland

they held an election

where the minority clan won the

presidential office by 80 votes,

and there was no violence?

The transition of power

was peaceful.

- It was peaceful because nobody

bothered reporting on it.

You need to listen to me.

You want conflict?

You want to tell the story

from both sides?

Go to Sudan.

There's your ticket,

not Somalia.

- I don't know, man. I got

a good grade on that paper.

Somalia and me are copacetic.

Is a Mr. Trey Williamson here?

- Just left.

- Sh*t, really?

My name is, uh, Jay Bahadur.

I'm here to conduct

a marketing research--

- Who's the guy eating Doritos

on my aisle?

- That's my associate,

Mr. Felcher.

- I have to clean that sh*t up.

- I'm so sorry, man.

- Would you please--

- Continue maestro.

- Refrain from eating

in this poor man's aisle?

And just start to pick that up.

- I got it.

- Thank you.

- I got it.

- And where is your, uh,

napkin aisle?

- Aisle seven.

- Seven.

- Hey, uh, Jay?

I think you should

check this sh*t out.

- I thought we agreed

you would be silent, bro.

- No, bro, I really think

you should check this out.

- [sighs]

Would you excuse me

for a moment? Thank you.

What the f***, man?

- The rebels,

who Kenyan officials

liken to seagoing pirates

have taken captive the MV Faina,

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