The Pill

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THE PILL:

Sorry.

It's a new place.

Oh, wow.

This is... this is nice.

The rent's stabilized.

This is very nice.

What do you want to drink?

You know, I think i should

probably go.

Where are you going?

- Home.

You just got here.

Yeah. But...

I got to wake up early tomorrow morning,

do some stuff.

Some -- some laundry.

- You have a wife.

- What?

- You have a girlfriend.

- No. No.

Are you kidding me?

You th-- you think...

You actually think that i would

be here if i had a girlfriend?

Do you think i would

get this far?

Oh, i would hope not.

Yeah.

Let's have another drink.

Um... i don't know.

How do you play this?

I don't know this game.

I don't know any drinking games.

All right.

So, i say, like,

"i've never been to China,"

and if either of us

been to China,

then we drink.

Have you been to China?

This doesn't count.

I haven't been to China,

so i wouldn't drink.

I've never been to prison.

I let you off the hook.

You've never been to prison.

Couple parking tickets

here and there,

but never ended up in...

You paid them.

- Um... no boot.

- Always.

I've never had

a brother or a sister.

Two.

I thought so.

Brother and a sister.

You got me.

I've never been to grad school.

You and your little button-up shirt there?

No?

Um, i've never...

i'm gonna get you.

I've never, uh...

I've never crashed a car.

Really?

Everyone was okay?

There was no...

Yeah. I broke my finger.

Oh, god.

Oh, my god!

That's disgusting.

I know.

That's all that happened.

That's an unnatural angle.

Okay.

This one had better get you drinking.

I've never made out

in my parents' bedroom.

Yes! I got one!

You got me.

Oh, my god.

Okay. I got it.

Um, i've never...

...sucked a dick.

I think you better drink.

That was a good one.

Oh, god.

I got...

I got to go to the bathroom so bad.

I have to go to the bathroom so bad, okay?

- Stay here.

- Okay.

I'll be in the bathroom.

I'm stuck.

Oh, I'm stuck on you.

Oh, god.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, no.

I'm stuck on you.

You're stuck on me.

Wow.

Jesus.

Have a safe flight.

See u soon miss u.

So... hmm?

I think i've got to go.

Okay.

Nobody's stopping you.

Yeah.

Um... i saw a condom

in your wastebasket,

and it kind of freaked me out, so...

i think it might be best

if i just leave... now.

I have a roommate, you know.

That's your roommate's condom?

Well, her boyfriend's in town.

She's not here right now,

so we don't have to whisper.

I'm gonna...

Hold on.

Hold on.

Oh, wait a second.

- Yeah.

- Wait a second.

Oh, hold on.

Hold on.

Wait a second, babe.

Yeah.

Okay. I got it.

I got it. One moment.

One moment. Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Mindy.

Mindy?

Oh, my god.

Oh, f***.

Wait a minute.

You feel so good.

I don't have a condom on.

Just go with it.

I don't...

i'm gonna cum.

I'm gonna -- i'm gonna cum.

Okay.

I'm... where?

Hey.

Hey, are you awake?

No.

No?

I just want to...

I want to make sure

everything was okay.

Yeah?

All right, so...

I mean, everything's cool?

Everything is good.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

'Cause, you know,

i know that we didn't use a condom

last night,

so i didn't...

i want to make sure...

You know?

You felt amazing.

I need more sleepy time.

Yeah.

Well, just remember to take your

contraception thing.

Contraceptive?

The, um...

pill -- pill thing you take.

What pill?

The... you know,

the pill in the little round thing.

The one-a-day thing.

That pill.

I'm not on any pills.

You're not on the pill?

Oh, you mean "the pill."

Yeah.

Yeah. The pill.

I'm not on that.

Are you serious?

Yeah. I'm catholic.

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