The Phenom Page #4

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they unintentionally expose themselves.

Are you listening? I can't tell with you

if you are listening.

I'm listening.

- Are you?

- Yeah, yeah.

This is bananas.

I think your mom took that picture.

High school yearbook.

I was the yearbook editor.

I found that last night,

going through the garage.

He was a really gifted player,

could have gone pro.

You think?

You know, he hit a lot of doubles,

that's what he says.

He's a doubles hitter.

Doubles?

Double vodka, double soda.

Senior year, he started showing up

to practice late and tired and high,

new tattoos all the time,

and then by the end of the season,

he just simply wasn't showing up at all.

He said he got...

kicked off the team for brawling.

There was a bad brawl,

but he never got kicked off the team.

In fact, I remember

the coaches actually liked

that he threw punches in the brawl,

because it's the only time

they'd seen him with any pep all year.

Little did we know that was it.

That was it.

That would be his pastime

from then on, fracas.

I got to go, Coach.

Dorothy is waiting for me.

Look at me.

Be astute.

If late at night,

trouble comes knocking...

at your door, do yourself

a favor, stay in bed.

Yeah.

Go say hi to Dorothy.

So, I have another joke.

I went to the zoo the other day.

But there was only a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu.

Why do you like mayonnaise on your fries?

- Try it, you might like it.

- Mm, no, I'll take my chances.

You never take the chance.

Whenever we go out, you always sit

in the corner, with your back to the wall,

like you are afraid of your own shadow.

Like the Nutcracker cornered

by the Mouse King.

It's the best spot.

You can see everything coming.

If there's a scout over there,

spying on me, then I know it.

And if there's any trouble coming,

I know it.

But, then you never get surprised.

Yeah, well, surprises are overrated.

Hi, y'all.

So...

Hey.

What did Coach have to say?

Why do you care what my coach had to say?

Because I care about you.

Do you have any idea how much

pressure I am under right now?

I'm only trying to help.

I know, but, I mean,

I'm the number three ranked prospect

in the country.

Number one pitcher.

You have any idea what kind

of pressure that is?

Well, who do you think has the best

grade point average in the school?

There is not nearly as much as rivalry.

Yeah, but if I want to go to a great

college, then I need to get a scholarship.

I'm talking about

millions and millions of dollars.

I'm talking about being famous. I'm talking

about being a professional athlete.

You know that a Shih Tzu

is a toy dog, right?

- What are you talking about?

- Shih Tzu and a sh*t zoo.

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