The Perfect Match Page #5

If you take a girl's shoes off...

you're one step closer

to taking her pants off.

- Slide move.

- That works?

Yeah. Plus, it's sanitary.

They don't scuff up your floors.

You've gotta think, man.

- Starting to make a little bit of sense.

- Hey!

- There he goes.

- Uh-oh, come on.

- Shut up and run.

- Come on, struggle bear.

You can do it.

You said you've been working out, man.

F*** you.

Are you thirsty? You want some water?

Water is for pussies.

You were talking crazy

about Fawn the other day.

You couldn't go one round

with her in this shape.

Please, sex-durance and hike-durance

are completely different sh*t.

Pressie and I have been having sex,

like, 10 times a day...

trying to have this kid...

and this is way easier than that.

What'd you just say?

Motherf***er,

I know "sex-durance" isn't a word.

- Get off my motherfucking back.

- Wait, wait.

I think Chucks is talking about...

you saying you and Pressie

are trying to have a kid.

- I said that out loud?

- Yeah, you said it out loud.

Are y'all trying to have a kid or not?

I thought I was using my inside voice.

Yes, we're trying to have a kid.

That's awesome, man. Congratulations.

Why you ain't tell us, man?

Stop messing around. Stop messing around.

She's not pregnant yet.

Wait up!

You put it...

Okay, this is some Fifty Shades sh*t.

I can't.

Look, I told you, I don't want

all of this stuff at my bachelorette.

Where else are we gonna find

little cups with penises?

Besides, I'm... I'm not only here for you.

Oh, you and Rick use toys?

Not usually, but we need

something to spice it up.

Trying to have this baby is a haze.

And I never thought I would say this.

I think I hate sex.

Oh, no! That's not good.

Oh. Yeah, I'm gonna need this.

Oh, girl, you do not want to get

that water-based lube.

Trust me, it'll dry up so fast...

and your man will be going in,

and you'll be like, "Oh, hell no."

Get the silicone base.

Oh, yes, definitely.

Excuse me. Uh, hi.

You just seem very educated

on the subject.

Um, my friend here,

she's trying to spice up her sex life.

Do you have anything

that you would suggest?

Do I? How much time you got?

Girl, you must be trying to have a baby.

Me and my man went through the same thing.

All right, uh, this miniature whip...

is good for when he's slacking off

with the stroke.

Give him a little pow.

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'...

Nigga, I ain't worried 'bout nothin'...

I don't understand how she does that.

I don't know why you don't want

to see her again.

Guys, I've moved on.

Look, you should too, all right?

Man, I'm just trying

to live vicariously through you.

Nate!

- Hey, Charlie. The usual?

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