The Old Man Who Read Love Stories Page #4

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She's a good servant and she

makes me a bit of money

on the side.

But she's getting subversive

ideas.

- Ideas.

- Yes, ideas!

What's wrong with ideas?

They upset the natural order

of things.

We don't want that, do we?

The natural order of things is upset

already. She's hunting men now.

Josefina?

No,

the jaguar.

We'll have to do something

about that then, won't we?

You're slowing down.

Back so soon, Rubicondo?

Yeah.

There was a woman's husband

waiting for me...

with a gun...

pointed at me.

- You're here for the rains then?

- Yeah.

You're looking very thoughtful,

Old Man.

Out with it.

There is a set of 5-centimetre

claws

waiting for me in the jungle.

How so?

I suspect the Slimy Toad is planning

a hunting expedition.

Well, just tell him that you're

too old for that kind of thing.

He's got one over me.

I'm not getting very far

with this.

Ardently.

Ardently. How do you kiss

someone ardently?

This Paul clearly is not

respectable

or else he wouldn't be kissing her

in the presence of the gondolier.

Obviously, this is not a kiss

to remember a life by.

A bit like my friend, the dentist.

I can just guess how he kisses.

Ah, so maybe

he's almost ravishing her.

But could he do that in a gondola

without tipping it over?

I can barely

see the word clearly,

much less work out what it means.

I'm a fool.

A man who reads love stories

and admits it

is less of a fool than one who beats

his wife thinking she loves it.

Maybe I'm not.

Okay.

Let's put Rubicondo the Dentist

in Paul's place and see if it works.

"Rubicondo kissed her

ardently".

Oh, yeah,

I can imagine that.

Hold it!

It's Alkaseltzer's mule.

- Where is Alkaseltzer?

- That's it.

Search party in the morning.

We'll see who can kill the best,

us or that jaguar.

We do not hunt the jaguar.

Their flesh is not edible,

and one skin is enough to make

adornments that last a generation.

The white man hunter,

carrying a gun,

violates death with the poison

of pain.

I brought you the best part

of the liver.

Thank you.

Listen, old fellow.

Talking

helps people see eye to eye.

I ought to have you arrested

for squatting but we're friends.

And as one hand washes the other

and both wipe the sh*t off,

we must help each other.

These are very important

gringos, my friends.

They want to see the real jungle

and I've told them only you

can show it to them.

It's a juicy deal and I'll cut

you in on it.

How about this, huh?

How much for the photograph?

Old Man? How much for the photo?

First time I fired this gun,

I killed its owner with it.

Tell this bastard gringo if he doesn't

put that photo back,

I'll pump two rounds straight

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